Player Plot: How to Get Away With Moo-der

[singlemilletgrain]

Who: Shu, cows, and you
What: Udder cowtastrophe
Where: Farmlands outside of Elysium
When: Mid-month
Warnings: Animal cruelty



As the farmer plods away to resume tending his fields, Shu shakes her head with a frown and addresses her companion. "That is the fourth farmer this week to report a missing herd of livestock. These aren't small losses, either. It is unimaginable that they simply vanished off the face of the earth."

Not coincidentally, Shu is currently seated atop her own oxen, who is placidly chewing on some grains underfoot.

"Let us examine the pasture. He said there were numerous markings he could not make sense of. These disappearances will be catastrophic for the small farmer if they continue and have a lasting ripple effect on the supply chain of meat. Not just for the Corsairs."

She nudges He Sheng with her ankles.

Comments

[singlemilletgrain]

"But -- "

Shu is not surprised very frequently. This is highly unusual behavior for her cow son, and she isn't quite sure what to do about it. Shu picks up her robes and somewhat undignifiedly jogs after He Sheng and Donnie. He Sheng heads directly through some open fields initially before banking sharply right into a small grove of trees with colors beginning to turn ochre and crimson with the fall foliage. Throughout, He Sheng and the mystery ox exchange speech, leading to something that might be construed as...

"Cowsong?"

A new genre of music, only for the true audiophile.

He Sheng forges ahead and disappears behind some brush. Sticking her face through, Shu is startled to find a perfectly circular clearing with dappled sunlight gleaming through the tree branches, highlighting a figure inside...

"Oh! They missed one."

A beautiful, pure-white ox with a gleaming pelt and horns that almost look golden in the sunlight. Shu half-opens her mouth, then pauses, a bit puzzled. Oxen weren't usually kept with dairy or meat cows.

[purplexing]

Definitely not to Donnie's tastes, not that he's had much chance to develop any appreciation for music and techno and dubstep are likely not going to be discovered here any time soon.

"He's definitely communicating with someone..." At least that's his guess? Cow-location? He is definitely not a livestock expert.

"Whoa..."

And expert though he may not be, he can fully appreciate an excellently placed scene set.

[singlemilletgrain]

She looks at Donnie, vaguely perplexed, before giving a small shrug and stepping out from the brush. The ox immediately turns its soulful gaze upon her. Meanwhile, He Sheng's duty is done, and he idly begins to eat a leaf off a bush before spitting it out immediately.

"Well... You must be very brave, escaping those terrible Imperials. Come."

She rummages around and comes up with an apple that she offers to the white ox. ...It stares at her with placid eyes before lumbering forth and very gently chomping down. Shu tentatively gives it a pat.

"I think it's friendly. Here."

She gives Donnie another apple to offer.

[purplexing]

Donnie meanwhile remains where he is, just at the edge of the clearing like he's afraid to disturb it. He makes a mildly disgusted face as He Sheng goes back to doing typical ox things. At least the bush doesn't look like anything he knows to be poisonous around Elysium's wilderness.

"Uh..." And now he has an apple in his hand. The most animal interaction he's ever had is with his brothers, so he gives a very hesitant look at the ox as he eases into the clearing. He holds the apple out to the shiny ox, looking very unsure about it.

[singlemilletgrain]

The white ox redirects its attention to Donnie as the second apple changes hands and locks eyes with the turtlekin. In the depths of its limpid brown eyes, Donnie can see eternity... An infinite realm of green pastures, where the mild spring sun never fades and a light breeze blows and cowtentment is never far from hand. Acres and acres of grasses and grains, where faceless beings give head pats and back rubs, and the calves frolic and roll through the fields. One might call this heaven or nirvana or even mootopia. Time is endless and all is one and there is no meaning in human suffering.

Then the white ox clamps onto Donnie up to his forearm,

"Um."

lowers its head and flips Donnie up onto its back in one smooth motion,

"Donnie!"

grabs Shu by the collar of her clothing,

and ascends upwards as if galloping up a flight of invisible stairs until they are soaring through the skies at a pace far faster than a cow should be able to run.

"aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ------------ "

[purplexing]

What. What. Donnie's still trying to decipher what he's just seen because surely he must be hallucinating, there's certainly no logical explanation otherwise, too much sun, too much cow, did he remember to hydra-

ROASTEDBOVINES IT'S TRYING TO EAT ME ALIVE-

Although it is oddly not very painful, gross, definitely- the world is abruptly sent off kilter before he can remember to scream, his breath interrupted with the impact of something simultaneously hard and fuzzy. He gasps and then very nearly bites off his tongue as the oxen lurches towards the sky- wait WHAT

"OhhhhmygaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH--!!!!"

[mootopia]

"Mooo?"

Far, far below, He Sheng glances up as Niu Da Ge flies off with Mistress and Sad Green One. A brief flicker of concern flashes through his bovine mind before he decides that it's probably all fine. Mistress should get a better grip, though. She isn't very secu -- oh was that an acorn? Mistress didn't usually want him eating those, but since she was gone now...

Oh, right, acorns didn't taste very good and also were hard on his teeth. He Sheng spits it out and sniffs at two apples that are lying on the ground for some reason instead.

Ahh... must be a boon from Niu Da Ge.

Delicious... Sweet... Yum...

[translators' note: niu da ge means 'big cow brother']

[singlemilletgrain]

Far, far above, Shu is still screaming, though it's progressed to a sort of breathless squeak at this point. She is hanging by her collar from the white ox's jaws, and although it seemed to have taken care to be gentle, the ground would certainly be less gentle when her clothes tore and she plummeted to her doom. She didn't especially want to test if she could dissolve her corporeal form right now. So it is that she ends up wrapping her arms and legs around the white ox's front leg and burying her face in its flank.

"Donnie? ...Are you alive?"

This is a very subdued-sounding Shu. Or at least, it would be, if she weren't screaming to be heard over the rush of wind.

[purplexing]

They eventually reach some sort of threshold, a point where everything feels the same although that sameness is an odd weightlessness accompanied by the rush of wind.

Donnie had stopped screaming at some point, running out of breath and figuring it would just be more exhausting to keep it up. He cracks open an eye, seeing nothing but open sky and clouds and maybe if he squinted, a glimpse of the ground somewhere far below.

"Wow..." he whispers, the word torn away instantly by the wind. He carefully lifts his head, even as he remains clinging to the oxen's back. Definitely not the most ideal way to ride, not wrapped over its back with arms on one side and legs dangling over the other. It does make clinging tricky, and falling off without a glider does not sound at all appealing. But...there's something exhilarating about it all. The rush of the air around them, the sheer speed they were somehow traveling. It might not make sense but it's tickling his adrenaline in a completely different way than on missions.

This is...kind of fun.

A weird sort of smile's touched his face, like he's actually experienced some strange nirvana or whatever one might call it. And then he blinks, catching Shu's voice. Oh crap, he hadn't even realized she was there!

"Shu-? Yeah, I'm- Hang on-" Oh yeah, brilliant words there, Donnie, seeing as how little choice she seems to have.

The turtlekin tries to steady himself, carefully bringing one arm to the side his legs are while attempting to swing a leg over so he can at least be in a better position to face Shu. Guh, cows feel weird. He holds a hand out towards her.

"Can you grab on?"

[singlemilletgrain]

Well, glad somebody's having fun!... is exactly what Shu might think, except unsarcastically, as she is so annoyingly selfless that this would be her last thought before flattening into a pancake at 9.8m/s^2. Given she doesn't know the thoughts running through Donnie's head, the best she can manage right now is faint relief that their positions aren't switched. She manages to peel her face away from the cow's front side for long enough to squint up at Donnie through the fur.

"...I think I will only succeed in pulling you off the ox. Please hold tight. I will be fine."

This is spoken in such an uneven tone that not even Shu finds it convincing. She changes the subject instead.

"Can you tell where we're headed?"

Unspoken: and how much longer I might have to do this for. The scenery, as Donnie rightfully notes, is indeed breathtaking. They've both been on an airship, but there's something exhilarating about being surrounded by nothing but a sheer drop on all sides. Just the rushing wind and the tiny toybox landmarks down below. Miles and miles of farmland interspersed with lush forest, colors dappled with the autumn leaves. The lights and spectacle of Elysium to their right, the sea behind them.

But if he were to follow their trajectory in a straight line... they seem to be headed towards a grim, unaesthetic metallic box of a building up in the distance.

[purplexing]

Surely this is the start of how he becomes an adrenaline enthusiast.

"You sure?" Donnie's sure that can't be a great position for anyone, and he'd like to think he's strong enough to handle Shu. ...although given all her robes that might make things difficult when you take into consideration wind speeds and air resistance.

Blinking at her question, he shifts his attention then to look around again. Impossibly high up as they are, he doesn't feel the least bit overwhelmed by any sense of vertigo. It's so amazing! If he tries hard enough, maybe he can make out the coast where he used to live...

But that's not the question he'd been asked, and for Shu's sake, Donnie turns his head in the direction they seem to be approaching. Frowning, he leans closer against the oxen's neck so he can pull his goggles down, making adjustments as he looks out towards...well, what is that?

"Some kind of building?" That...could be a bit of a concern if it turns out to be Imperial territory, which realistically would be the likeliest case, all things considered.

[singlemilletgrain]

Has this adventure awakened something in Donnie that she will have cause to regret?

() Yes
() Almost definitely
() Do kneepads and helmets come in bulk?

The building draws closer as they continue their arc across the skies, and the details become more apparent when Donnie puts on his goggles. The most obvious thing, of course, is that perched on top of the roof of the building is a sleek looking small aircraft that appears to be designed for speed and efficiency. It would be considered attractive when compared to some of the larger, older models they've seen.

Seemingly in an attempt to communicate something, the white ox lows plaintively for the first time, a faintly mournful sound.

Magnification reveals quite a large number of figures milling about the grounds of the building. Figures on all fours. Of course, some with a more human orientation are present as well, but it seems obvious that this is the destination they seek. Still a fair distance away, the white ox begins to lose altitude as it heads for the ground.

"oh thank heaven"

[purplexing]

"...I want one of those."

Maybe it goes fast too!! Probably not as fast as a Feder armor. Oh, he really wants to try one of those now.

That's however neither here nor now, and as the oxen speaks up, Donnie pulls reins his thoughts back to the current matter, glancing down before absently patting the creature's neck. Is this how you comfort sad beasts? It usually works with Raph...

"Guess we've found where all the missing cattle have gone."

[singlemilletgrain]

"We have?"

Shu's muscles have locked up now, and she finds it somewhat challenging to angle her neck in the right direction.

"Oh! We have. ...It's just as we thought."

She glances up briefly at the creature to which she is clinging. She isn't in much of a position to physically soothe it, but perhaps it senses her intent, for it glances down and meets her eyes. She isn't sure what to make of this situation. Is this a... god of cows? Is there a cow god? Seeking aid for his kidnapped people? Her knowledge of theology did not quite cover this. At Donnie's reassuring pat, the ox swivels its neck and tries to give him a lick with an extended, lolling tongue.

Mostly it just launches saliva everywhere.

They are approaching the ground now. It isn't long before it touches down gently, with hardly an impact, and Shu falls over backwards with slightly twitching limbs.

[purplexing]

"Gaaah! Ugh, gross!" Donnie recoils, batting ineffectually at the splatter.

At least he's in a somewhat better condition once they land, swinging his leg over the oxen's back to drop down. He steps over to where Shu is, kneeling beside her to give her a hand up.

"So, what's the plan? Doesn't seem like there are too many guards but I'm pretty sure an entire herd of cows being freed is definitely going to attract attention. ...also, I have no idea how far we've gone but heading back on foot is not going to be a simple day trip."

He turns his eyes towards the structure and the airship parked on top.

[singlemilletgrain]

Donnie should be thankful for cow god splatter. It probably has like, healing properties or whatever. Or maybe it will slowly turn him into a cow, who knows. Either way, the ox huffs hot air on him as he slides off and helps Shu to her feet, after which it slowly begins to lumber away in the opposite direction.

"A-Ah. Thank you."

She feels, for some reason, that all of this warrants a thank you, though if she were pressed, she would find it hard to vocalize the exact reason. Still, the white ox gets a quick bow before Shu massages some of her aching muscles.

"We will steal the airship."

This is spoken as matter-of-factly as if Donnie had asked for the answer to 2 + 2.

[purplexing]

Yuuuuugh, cow breath!

Donnie isn't sure what more us expected from him when it comes to their oxen friend. He'd already given it a pat, that was good enough, right? He really has no idea what to do with animals.

At least he lingers by Shu to make sure she won't fall over once they get on their feet again. Her proposition makes him grin with an almost malicious glee.

"Ohhh I was hoping you'd say that."

[singlemilletgrain]

"But we will send it right back after we are finished transporting the cattle."

Shu nods seriously, with the austere honesty expected of a goody-two-shoes who spends far too much time quoting poetry and ancient Yanese proverbs and thinking about things like ethical consumption of goods and services. For a moment or two, she holds a sagely pose as the sunshine highlights a halo around her head.

"...I kid. The Empire does not deserve good things. The real question is, how to accomplish this with only the two of us against presumably, a large number of enemies. Let us assume that the workers of the slaughterhouse will not oppose us unless the soldiers force them to engage. The Imperial soldiers crewing that ship will be our main problem."

[purplexing]

Her response leaves him gaping given how her delivery is, as casual as her usual way of speaking. It forestalls any protests from the turtlekin long enough for her to continue, and all is proven right with the world. Or well, at least as right as certain parts should be.

"Well, hopefully after you all sent the Empire packing from Flotsam, their heavy fighters are either out of commission or still assessing the damage taken. And I doubt they'd put anyone important or to skilled out here to oversee cattle. With luck, whoever is in charge thinks they're too important to be stuck with this task that they're careless."

Donnie taps his fingers against his chin as he looks in the direction of the herds.

"But we definitely should try taking the ship first. Let's see if there's a way to get to that roof without having to go inside."

[singlemilletgrain]

"Let's draw closer," Shu suggests as her gaze turns to the building. "And take a survey of possible entry points."

As they circle the area, it becomes clear that this is meant to be a fairly low visibility operation. There are no signs or external indications of what the building is meant to be used for; presumably, no one is ever too interested in visiting a meat production plant. Consequently, the points of interest are few. There is a loading dock on the right side for vehicles and a main entrance for workers that seems to be relatively well-secured. In the back with the large holding pen and a few barn-style structures, there is an entry point for the cattle to presumably be processed.

There are large, square, utilitarian windows set at regular intervals. The building itself is composed of some hybrid of metal and brick. There is a clear division and a small gap in the structure connected by several walkways, to which Shu considers, "The rear side is probably refrigerated."

In regards to the roof on which the airship is perched, there is a catwalk and a set of stairs leading up, currently locked behind a gate.

[purplexing]

It's the strangest building Donnie's ever seen. He might have been more interested if not for its clear intent given all the cattle.

He grins a bit at the way up to the roof, pointing. The gate won't be a problem, at least.

"Hm. Should we get a closer look at where they're keeping the cattle? We should probably see if they've got everyone out in the pen or if there are more in the barns." That might complicate trying to free them unless the workers decide they'd be inclined to help.

[singlemilletgrain]

Shu nods in affirmation. This is, after all, the main reason for her interest here. As she leads the way back behind the building once more, keeping a wide berth, she quietly gestures for Donnie to look. Two workers have just exited from the rear, holding baton-shaped objects. Likely a cattle prod.

The herd in the back is comprised of approximately 50 adult cows, displaying considerable signs of stress. As they watch, the workers call out to their colleagues and gesture for them to begin rounding up the cattle.

It's not entirely clear yet if the barns are occupied. But it certainly does seem as if the slaughterhouse employees have no particular qualms about carrying out their duties.

[purplexing]

Uh-oh. Donnie glances around anxiously before looking to Shu. Looks like they might have to secure the cattle first before the ship, or they might just end up with less cattle to bring back.

"It's just two out there. We can use the cows for cover and knock them out or something, can't we?"

[singlemilletgrain]

She hesitates for only a moment before nodding. Loath as she is to edge closer to the possibility of bloodshed, there's no telling what will happen if they allow the herd to be brought inside the building. She flashes Donnie a somewhat playful smile as she undoes a clasp and fetches something attached to her back.

"I am prepared this time." A hearty thanks to Link for some basic shield training. "I'll cut off their entry point into the building."

Without further ado, Shu begins to circle around, keeping low to the ground as the two workers deal with the milling cows.

[purplexing]

The turtlekin's own smile is tight, but this shouldn't be anything like their infiltration on that airship. Nodding, he watches her head off for a moment before turning to weave his own way towards the herd.

Hopefully they won't have any problems, but with luck these people aren't trained soldiers and strictly meant to handle livestock.

...wow but that is a lot of cow. Maybe now's not the time to realize this is the first he's ever been surrounded by so many creatures that weren't fish.