Player Plot: How to Get Away With Moo-der

[singlemilletgrain]

Who: Shu, cows, and you
What: Udder cowtastrophe
Where: Farmlands outside of Elysium
When: Mid-month
Warnings: Animal cruelty



As the farmer plods away to resume tending his fields, Shu shakes her head with a frown and addresses her companion. "That is the fourth farmer this week to report a missing herd of livestock. These aren't small losses, either. It is unimaginable that they simply vanished off the face of the earth."

Not coincidentally, Shu is currently seated atop her own oxen, who is placidly chewing on some grains underfoot.

"Let us examine the pasture. He said there were numerous markings he could not make sense of. These disappearances will be catastrophic for the small farmer if they continue and have a lasting ripple effect on the supply chain of meat. Not just for the Corsairs."

She nudges He Sheng with her ankles.

Comments

[purplexing]

"...I want one of those."

Maybe it goes fast too!! Probably not as fast as a Feder armor. Oh, he really wants to try one of those now.

That's however neither here nor now, and as the oxen speaks up, Donnie pulls reins his thoughts back to the current matter, glancing down before absently patting the creature's neck. Is this how you comfort sad beasts? It usually works with Raph...

"Guess we've found where all the missing cattle have gone."

[singlemilletgrain]

"We have?"

Shu's muscles have locked up now, and she finds it somewhat challenging to angle her neck in the right direction.

"Oh! We have. ...It's just as we thought."

She glances up briefly at the creature to which she is clinging. She isn't in much of a position to physically soothe it, but perhaps it senses her intent, for it glances down and meets her eyes. She isn't sure what to make of this situation. Is this a... god of cows? Is there a cow god? Seeking aid for his kidnapped people? Her knowledge of theology did not quite cover this. At Donnie's reassuring pat, the ox swivels its neck and tries to give him a lick with an extended, lolling tongue.

Mostly it just launches saliva everywhere.

They are approaching the ground now. It isn't long before it touches down gently, with hardly an impact, and Shu falls over backwards with slightly twitching limbs.

[purplexing]

"Gaaah! Ugh, gross!" Donnie recoils, batting ineffectually at the splatter.

At least he's in a somewhat better condition once they land, swinging his leg over the oxen's back to drop down. He steps over to where Shu is, kneeling beside her to give her a hand up.

"So, what's the plan? Doesn't seem like there are too many guards but I'm pretty sure an entire herd of cows being freed is definitely going to attract attention. ...also, I have no idea how far we've gone but heading back on foot is not going to be a simple day trip."

He turns his eyes towards the structure and the airship parked on top.

[singlemilletgrain]

Donnie should be thankful for cow god splatter. It probably has like, healing properties or whatever. Or maybe it will slowly turn him into a cow, who knows. Either way, the ox huffs hot air on him as he slides off and helps Shu to her feet, after which it slowly begins to lumber away in the opposite direction.

"A-Ah. Thank you."

She feels, for some reason, that all of this warrants a thank you, though if she were pressed, she would find it hard to vocalize the exact reason. Still, the white ox gets a quick bow before Shu massages some of her aching muscles.

"We will steal the airship."

This is spoken as matter-of-factly as if Donnie had asked for the answer to 2 + 2.

[purplexing]

Yuuuuugh, cow breath!

Donnie isn't sure what more us expected from him when it comes to their oxen friend. He'd already given it a pat, that was good enough, right? He really has no idea what to do with animals.

At least he lingers by Shu to make sure she won't fall over once they get on their feet again. Her proposition makes him grin with an almost malicious glee.

"Ohhh I was hoping you'd say that."

[singlemilletgrain]

"But we will send it right back after we are finished transporting the cattle."

Shu nods seriously, with the austere honesty expected of a goody-two-shoes who spends far too much time quoting poetry and ancient Yanese proverbs and thinking about things like ethical consumption of goods and services. For a moment or two, she holds a sagely pose as the sunshine highlights a halo around her head.

"...I kid. The Empire does not deserve good things. The real question is, how to accomplish this with only the two of us against presumably, a large number of enemies. Let us assume that the workers of the slaughterhouse will not oppose us unless the soldiers force them to engage. The Imperial soldiers crewing that ship will be our main problem."

[purplexing]

Her response leaves him gaping given how her delivery is, as casual as her usual way of speaking. It forestalls any protests from the turtlekin long enough for her to continue, and all is proven right with the world. Or well, at least as right as certain parts should be.

"Well, hopefully after you all sent the Empire packing from Flotsam, their heavy fighters are either out of commission or still assessing the damage taken. And I doubt they'd put anyone important or to skilled out here to oversee cattle. With luck, whoever is in charge thinks they're too important to be stuck with this task that they're careless."

Donnie taps his fingers against his chin as he looks in the direction of the herds.

"But we definitely should try taking the ship first. Let's see if there's a way to get to that roof without having to go inside."

[singlemilletgrain]

"Let's draw closer," Shu suggests as her gaze turns to the building. "And take a survey of possible entry points."

As they circle the area, it becomes clear that this is meant to be a fairly low visibility operation. There are no signs or external indications of what the building is meant to be used for; presumably, no one is ever too interested in visiting a meat production plant. Consequently, the points of interest are few. There is a loading dock on the right side for vehicles and a main entrance for workers that seems to be relatively well-secured. In the back with the large holding pen and a few barn-style structures, there is an entry point for the cattle to presumably be processed.

There are large, square, utilitarian windows set at regular intervals. The building itself is composed of some hybrid of metal and brick. There is a clear division and a small gap in the structure connected by several walkways, to which Shu considers, "The rear side is probably refrigerated."

In regards to the roof on which the airship is perched, there is a catwalk and a set of stairs leading up, currently locked behind a gate.

[purplexing]

It's the strangest building Donnie's ever seen. He might have been more interested if not for its clear intent given all the cattle.

He grins a bit at the way up to the roof, pointing. The gate won't be a problem, at least.

"Hm. Should we get a closer look at where they're keeping the cattle? We should probably see if they've got everyone out in the pen or if there are more in the barns." That might complicate trying to free them unless the workers decide they'd be inclined to help.

[singlemilletgrain]

Shu nods in affirmation. This is, after all, the main reason for her interest here. As she leads the way back behind the building once more, keeping a wide berth, she quietly gestures for Donnie to look. Two workers have just exited from the rear, holding baton-shaped objects. Likely a cattle prod.

The herd in the back is comprised of approximately 50 adult cows, displaying considerable signs of stress. As they watch, the workers call out to their colleagues and gesture for them to begin rounding up the cattle.

It's not entirely clear yet if the barns are occupied. But it certainly does seem as if the slaughterhouse employees have no particular qualms about carrying out their duties.

[purplexing]

Uh-oh. Donnie glances around anxiously before looking to Shu. Looks like they might have to secure the cattle first before the ship, or they might just end up with less cattle to bring back.

"It's just two out there. We can use the cows for cover and knock them out or something, can't we?"

[singlemilletgrain]

She hesitates for only a moment before nodding. Loath as she is to edge closer to the possibility of bloodshed, there's no telling what will happen if they allow the herd to be brought inside the building. She flashes Donnie a somewhat playful smile as she undoes a clasp and fetches something attached to her back.

"I am prepared this time." A hearty thanks to Link for some basic shield training. "I'll cut off their entry point into the building."

Without further ado, Shu begins to circle around, keeping low to the ground as the two workers deal with the milling cows.

[purplexing]

The turtlekin's own smile is tight, but this shouldn't be anything like their infiltration on that airship. Nodding, he watches her head off for a moment before turning to weave his own way towards the herd.

Hopefully they won't have any problems, but with luck these people aren't trained soldiers and strictly meant to handle livestock.

...wow but that is a lot of cow. Maybe now's not the time to realize this is the first he's ever been surrounded by so many creatures that weren't fish.

[singlemilletgrain]

As Donnie begins to infiltrate the herd, his presence does not go unnoticed. The immediate lowing of alarm, however, is hardly discernable from the overall distressed noises that the herd is making in response to being poked and prodded. Given that some of them attempt to kick him, though, this excursion is probably not endearing him much to our bovine friends.

On Shu's end, she creeps along the fence before slipping in using the same technique she had used on the airship to teleport the soldiers in the hallway. She reappears close to the entrance to the processing line, keeping an eye on Donnie's whereabouts.

Though it's hard to make eye contact at this distance, when she judges that they are in position, she gives a nod. Then stands and throws her baton as a spinning rod at the head of the nearest worker.

[purplexing]

No amount of training ever implied that he'd be using it to avoid being kicked by cattle! "Oh keep it down already!" he hisses under his breath at the growing lows of agitation, but it's only when one meaty leg tries snapping out that he really starts to take personal offense. Donnie has to stare a moment, quickly reminding himself that it is pointless to start anything with a cow, and anyway, he has more important matters to tend to!

Quick on his feet and thankfully so, the turtlekin manages to avoid further violent responses with only a few close calls. He doesn't feel so bad about using a cow as a mounting block after all that, vaulting off its back to launch himself at the other worker to take them out from behind.

[singlemilletgrain]

The cows have no such qualms about starting things with strange green creatures trying to infiltrate their herd, but the agitated creatures will, at least, avoid trampling him. They do eventually move away, leaving a bit of an open path for Donnie to navigate - and for him to stand out.

"Eh -- "

The one closer to Shu, coincidentally, turns in that direction a second before the spinning baton smashes him in the head. The sharp grunt catches the second worker's attention, spinning him around and leaving his back exposed for Donnie to land precisely on his back. Shu, having rushed forward with her shield the moment she threw her rod, sets upon her target and quickly stuffs a wad of plant debris into his mouth as a gag, pulling his arms up behind him.

[purplexing]

Wow, that could've been embarrassing.

Donnie's saved the experience, landing forcefully enough to pitch the other worker flat on his face. He makes a quick move to subdue them before they recover, then grins over at Shu now that he has a clear view of her, giving a thumbs-up.

Like as they'd have to deal with whoever's inside next, if they're waiting for the cows to be mooved.

[singlemilletgrain]

Shu doesn't have rope handy, but there's more than one way to utilize 'super plant growth.' The vines she uses to tie her victim are secure enough that she feels they will hold for the duration of their quest. Panting slightly in exertion, she moves to join Donnie.

"That went s-moo-thly."

(Two can play at that game.)

The cows have begun to calm down as they congregate. They seem to sense that the source of their pain has been removed, and that these two newcomers are responsible. One of them, of course, tentatively begins to try to lick Donnie from behind.

"Up to the airship or inside?"

[purplexing]

Donnie gives her an obligatory groan at that, unable to ignore the pang of nostalgia for the reminder of one of his brothers. Leo certainly wouldn't have passed up any chance to drop a terrible pun or a joke.

He's not quite sure he's thankful for the form of distraction it comes in, shuddering at the wetness suddenly applied to him. "Eeeugh, whyyy?" he grimaces, scrambling away from the cow and closer to Shu.

Trying to get a good look past the forest of cattle limbs, the turtlekin considers. "Inside. Let's see if there's any more. And if there isn't, maybe we can set the place on fire as a distraction." There might have been just the slightest hint of a manic grin as he makes that suggestion.

[singlemilletgrain]

"They like you."

Soon Donnie will be accepted as an honorary cowkin. There is a bit of shuffling as the various cows begin to form a sort of semi-circle around their two saviors, and if Donnie doesn't allow a little 'aww' to escape when a tiny calf pops its head out from the circle to gaze up at him with adoring, enormous soft eyes, he does not deserve the title of Libullerator. (That is their title now.)

"No fire."

...

"One fire. A small one. We can't just leave a whole building burning in the middle of grassy farmland."

It's irresponsible. Shu gives the calf a little pat before taking up her scepter and shield once more. They should probably hurry. Eventually, someone will notice something is wrong.

The entry for cow-processing is... grim. As they make their way inside, they will be met with stark fluorescent lights and what amounts to a chute that eventually narrows into a one-cow path. A large steel grate is drawn down over this path blocking entrance to the next room... though it coincidentally begins to raise as they enter.

Shu glances around for somewhere to hide.

...There isn't really anything suitable, given this is a... road to death.

[purplexing]

"Do they have to be so wet about it?" Donnie huffs. He blinks in surprise at the miniature cow that appears (baby, it's a baby, Donnie), taking a moment to process this phenomenon. Unfortunately he's not the sort to 'aww' at anything, that is majorly a Mikey thing, but he at the very least offers a very awkward head pat.

He almost pouts as his fire plan is shut down, but a small fire is better than none, and he supposes it wouldn't do to cause something so big that it might spread outwards, so he nods his agreement there.

Once they're inside, he almost regrets it. It's really creepy in here, more so when you know what this place means for cattle. As the grate begins to rise, Donnie gasps, also casting a quick look around before he grabs Shu's hand to pull her towards the grate itself, meaning to jump up onto it and catch a lift.

[singlemilletgrain]

This is a better plan than anything Shu thought of in the last five microseconds, although she's not entirely convinced it's a good plan. Still, there is no helping it. Stepping up her pace, she leaps alongside Donnie to cling to the metal grate as it ratchets upwards. There isn't much by the way of handholds - she finds herself clinging with all four limbs as if she were some sort of poorly evolved gecko.

As the grate slowly grinds to a halt, there is a moment of silence.

"...Where're all the livestock?"

Beneath them, a few workers in smocks peer out through the opening. One carries what looks like a firearm and all three are wearing masks. The thick scent of blood wafts out.

"Maybe they're having trouble herding 'em."

"Probably about as good as herding cows as they are flying airships."

"Shut up, Joe. They're literally right outside."

"I'm just saying. Takes a real genius to overload an ether crystal."

Which just about explains the shards Donnie found earlier.

"If they hear y -- "

The question of what will happen if they hear Joe goes unanswered as Shu's grip loosens and she slides down the grate, landing with a thump on Joe's head and sending his firearm spinning into the corner. The remaining two factory workers shriek.

[purplexing]

Donnie seems more used to clinging to weird places, but it's hard to properly brace yourself on a surface like this, and he doesn't want to risk using his magic to provide them better holds knowing it isn't exactly subtle.

He also tries not to be sick as that all too familiar smell follows the workers. Instead he tries to focus on what they're saying, waiting for a good chance...

Shu beats him to it, whether on purpose or by accident, who knows, but Donnie is quick to follow suit, pushing off slightly so that he can land between the other two workers to deliver silencing blows before they can figure out what's going on.

[singlemilletgrain]

Yes. That was definitely on purpose. Absolutely. It isn't just that she slid down ungracefully as her hands started sweating like a snail oozing down its own secretions. That didn't happen.

Shu looks briefly dazed as Joe yells inarticulately from beneath her voluminous robes. As she struggles into a less vulnerable position, she takes care to keep him pinned down, keeping her weight squarely on his back. The other two workers don't stand a chance as Donnie whips them in the head, sending them crashing to the floor.

"Be quiet. How many more of you are there?"

"H-Hundreds! You'll never get away with... whatever it is you're trying to get away with!"

"...Then you are disposable. We will flay your carcass as an example."

"I-It's just five of us processing people plus the Empire goons. I dunno how many there are but they're upstairs fixing the airship."

[purplexing]

"Hundreds..." Donnie snorts, giving a menacing spin of his staff. He gives a malicious grin to help underline Shu's threat.

"Ah, repairs. How bad was the damage?" Clearly the ship had still been able to fly with its load, but an overloaded ether stone is never any good. He's not sure if this guy knows enough about airships to give a good estimation of the damage, but he'd rather find out such things now than later if possible.

"There any other cattle we should know about that are still alive, or are the herds outside all?"