Player Plot: How to Get Away With Moo-der

[singlemilletgrain]

Who: Shu, cows, and you
What: Udder cowtastrophe
Where: Farmlands outside of Elysium
When: Mid-month
Warnings: Animal cruelty



As the farmer plods away to resume tending his fields, Shu shakes her head with a frown and addresses her companion. "That is the fourth farmer this week to report a missing herd of livestock. These aren't small losses, either. It is unimaginable that they simply vanished off the face of the earth."

Not coincidentally, Shu is currently seated atop her own oxen, who is placidly chewing on some grains underfoot.

"Let us examine the pasture. He said there were numerous markings he could not make sense of. These disappearances will be catastrophic for the small farmer if they continue and have a lasting ripple effect on the supply chain of meat. Not just for the Corsairs."

She nudges He Sheng with her ankles.

Comments

[singlemilletgrain]

((oh no I wrote a response to this two days ago but it seems to have gotten eaten sorry! please enjoy this crappier version of the comment i originally wrote because I can't exactly remember what it said))

"I'll be relying on you to scout, then. But please, don't engage them on your own."

For that seems like exactly the kind of thing that might happen. Shu gives a slight nod as her eyes slide back in the direction of the cows briefly. From her perspective, it appears that the cows are currently stomping on the bodies and possibly one of them is urinating. She decides that this is probably all part of the circle of life, or something. Anyway, there are more urgent matters to attend to.

The padlock on the gate is quickly dealt with - Donnie presumably has some experience with finagling these kinds of things, and if all else fails, Shu will bash it with her gui scepter a few times. Regardless, they are soon on their way... whereupon Shu quickly discovers that she is going to need to rely on Donnie more than she thought. The steel stairs clank terribly with each step, and she slows to a crawl, gently placing her foot down before transferring her weight to minimize the noise. Donnie might consequently pull ahead.

Or pull back, depending. For on the rooftop, directly facing the top of the stairs at the foot of the walkway up into the airship stands a posted sentry. They appear to be staring off into space and whistling to pass the time, but still, the location is inconvenient.

((re: the notoriety stuff, ok if you decide you want that I'm happy to contribute half! Do you want to ask for that as Donnie's reward for the thread?))

[purplexing]

((Oh no! DW being sneaky again!))

"Only if it's unavoidable," Donnie says, but he nods back. Should he be concerned that he can't really see the slight clearing that they'd left the unconscious workers? ...nah.

Locks aren't a problem at all, and it's quite clear that the turtlekin has done this sort of thing before. They're like puzzles, after all, although this padlock isn't particularly difficult and hardly takes half a minute to open.

Up and up they go, Donnie moving swift and silent like the shadows he said he's been trained to hide in. He slows a little, shoulders tensing at the sounds behind him, figuring perhaps by the time she makes it up, he can be done with his scouting. That is until he sees the sentry. Ah, what a pain.

Donnie holds a hand out behind him in case Shu's paying attention, a halting gesture before he turns to look back at her and point out what he'd seen. This puts a bit of a damper on moving ahead, and it makes it particularly difficult to see who else might be about. He skulks along the stairs just a little higher, hand fumbling around in his belt pouch before he pulls out a bolt. It's a standard thing used in most types of machinery, and he rolls it around between his forefinger and thumb before palming it and flinging it high up past the roof's edge, counting on the drop to be somewhere behind the guard and hopefully with enough of a sound to draw their attention so he can make his move.

((Yeah, let's do it!))

[singlemilletgrain]

Whistling rather jauntily and occasionally interspersing with tuneless singing, the guard is halfway through a high-note when the discordant clink of metal draws his attention.

"Hm?"

It's just a turn of the head - he truly doesn't seem invested enough in this job to do much more than that, but perhaps it offers Donnie an opening. Down below, Shu currently seems to be practicing for a job as a slow-motion mime as she freezes with one foot about to land on the next step.

((Ok, I asked for permission in the player plot I originally submitted!))

[purplexing]

It's all Donnie needs. One moment he's leaning forward on the steps and in the next he seems to have teleported to the top of the step. A brief, eerie shadow appears at the sentry's shoulder before hands snake out to put him on an early shift break.

The turtlekin lowers him slowly to the floor as he looks around, ready to move if it turns out there's others on duty in the near vicinity.

[singlemilletgrain]

((Mods say it's fine!))

Doesn't Donnie feel bad about annihilating the joy of a carefree young person living in the moment, seeking fulfillment in the simple act of allowing music to resonate through his soul?

Anyway, whether he does or not, the sentry is forgotten like a sack of potatoes as the vicious turtlekin stalks his next target. There is no one else - with this relatively small airship and crew, they don't really need more than one person posted outside.

Meanwhile, Shu takes the cessation of whistling as a good sign and cautiously speeds up her pace.

The walkway leading up onto the deck of the ship awaits Donnie. No one else seems to be above deck at the moment, which is a pro in that there's no one who can spot him but a con in that the remainder are concealed in areas that are much more difficult to stay unseen - tight hallways and cramped quarters.

[purplexing]

((WOO!))

...not particularly. Maybe it's just not his brand of music.

Donnie skulks along until he gets to the walkway. He glances back just to check where Shu is before he heads across, still keeping low, as though being low to the floor makes him blend in. Which...wouldn't be a bad tactic if his pancake shell only blended in with the surface below him.

The ship's small in comparison to the ones he's been used to, but he figures the areas are the same and something like this will be built for more practicality. It doesn't take him long to do a sweep of the main deck, intending to make sure it's clear before he heads inside.

[singlemilletgrain]

It's all clear.

There is the doorway leading into the crew quarters and the engine area, of course, as well as a set of stairs leading down into the cargo hold. From the... distinct smell of livestock wafting up from the latter, it seems clear what was recently down there. There is a distant clanking of boots on metal coming from beyond the stairs if he listens closely. The door to the crew quarters is too well constructed to betray much sound.

Shu has made it up to the top by now and gingerly steps over the sentry. True to her word, she will trust Donnie to perform the scouting. In the meantime, she will take care that the man cannot be a nuisance even if he should happen to awake.

"...He was very off-tune..."

[purplexing]

Donnie creeps along, keeping close to the walls as he makes his way in. He wrinkles his snout at the scent, moving onwards before pausing at the distant sound of footsteps.

Hmm.

At least one person down that way. If there's trouble with the engine then that would be the place to check for sure. The crew quarters...

He sneaks over to the door to try peeking through the keyhole if he can't catch any sounds. If anyone's within, maybe he can just lock them in and that'll at least take care of one problem.

[singlemilletgrain]

Not much to see through the keyhole besides faint visibility down a tight passage. There is lighting in the hallways, and he is likely familiar with the layout of the various corridors leading to small bunks. At the far end would be the captain's quarters, of course, with all the amenities thereof. The fact that the lights are on seem to suggest that someone is present, with some very distant sounds that might or might not just be wind rustling through the various objects on deck.

The door is not currently locked, if he examines it, and it does lock from the outside, though it is likely that there is a mechanism to allow the door to open from within. He might need to barricade it.

[purplexing]

He deliberates on welding the lock in place, wondering if it's worth the trouble. After some thought he decides to leave it for the moment, unless he manages to find a chair, but he's still got some scouting to do.

The turtlekin moves back along the hall again, listening as he makes his way towards the where the engine would be.

[singlemilletgrain]

The sound of clanking boots below grows louder as he descends the stairs. Surely that is more than one guard. Indeed, faint snippets of conversation drift up, some words becoming audible depending on his position, the acoustics, and the ambient noise of the wind and the settling ship.

"...shipme... las... outta..."

"...won't... soo... if we..."

"...have... hah... cowtastrophe!"

There is a dead silence. ...They are making cow puns.

"Shut up, Johnson."

That comes through loud and clear for some reason. Anyway, the longer Donnie listens, the clearer he can tell that there are three voices. As he approaches, it becomes obvious why the conversation is audible - the engine room door is propped open with a toolkit, and the three characters inside are busy tinkering with the technology within. Attending the engine is a ring of Ether crystals, all of which appear fully intact. They likely replaced the broken ones already.

The room is significantly larger than the cramped hallways of the crew quarters and well lit.

"Any fucking ways, we're outta here for the next raid tonight. With or without the valve spacer. You two clowns finish up the checklist here."

[purplexing]

Three mechanics... Donnie winces at the pun. That alone deserves a braining, but he doesn't want to get into a fight in an engine room, especially not when they've fixed things up. They're going to need a functioning ship if they're going to be returning that herd.

He drums his fingers lightly against his belt pouch before he comes to his decision, slipping out a vial and giving it a shake so the contents within start to mix. It's a more concentrated form of the knockout gas employed during their airship infiltration, and should do the trick for even a room that size.

Donnie sneaks closer to the doorway, glancing towards the toolkit before looking at those within. Now or never...

He slides the end of his staff along the edge of the door to snag the toolkit, popping the cork off the vial as he rolls it into the room before dragging the kit out.

[singlemilletgrain]

Through the now-closed door, the hushed murmur of voices raises in pitch for a few moments before one last snippet of conversation drifts through the door.

"Can't... bull-ieve it..."

"Fucking -- "

Three thumps follow in short order.

If he opens the door again, he will find three unconscious men in Empire uniforms, one of which still has the ghost of a snicker on his face. At least he's sleeping peacefully. Probably.

[purplexing]

Wow. Leo might've appreciated the guy's dedication.

Silently counting down, Donnie waits a few more seconds after the sound of bodies hitting the floor to crack the door open again, holding his breath as he peeks inside. That takes care of those guys for the time being at least.

He lets the door close again, listening for any signs of other guards about as he leaves that area.

[singlemilletgrain]

None lurking about the engine area or the connecting hallways thereof. The crew quarters are probably housing many of the remaining. The cargo hold might be worth examining briefly as well, if they intend to bring back the cows. If Shu's estimate is anywhere near correct, there are either four or six more to deal with - and if not correct, perhaps somewhat more than that.

Outside, Shu has taken up the sentry's role of lightly humming, though she is considerably better at the task. The seeds that pop up from the land around her spread down the side of the building towards the unlocked gate. They can warn her if anyone is about to come up this way.

[purplexing]

The cargo hold he's left for last, not looking forward to dealing with the smell. His filtration mask doesn't really work for scents, but he supposes if he's survived riding a cow and being in the middle of a whole herd of them, then surely he can handle a lingering eau de cattel.

Donnie creeps towards the cargo hold's entrance...

[singlemilletgrain]

The narration seems to suggest that frolicking with cows is something short of a perpetual delight, to which the universe takes great offense. Donnie is treated to the gentle fragrance of livestock and cowpies as he descends, and sure enough, there are more echoing murmurings.

This space is exceptionally large, of course, being able to house so many heads of cattle, and covers the entire bottom half of the airship. The ground is... somewhat less than clean, and two people are standing about a third of the way in, consulting some clipboards and schematics. It seems likely they are considering how many cattle they can fit tonight, or the next target of their thefts, or something along those lines. They're a bit too far away to overhear clearly.

The cargo hold is largely featureless aside from some railings to separate the cattle somewhat and some lingering bales of hay. With the removal of the feed, it could probably be used to store pretty much anything. There is a large bay door for offloading cargo on the side of the airship.

[purplexing]

Two more... Donnie covers his nose as he tries to have a good look around from where he is. It's unfortunate that the place is so wide open. That'd definitely make it difficult to take them by surprise. You know, if he were so inclined to do that to try clearing everything out himself rather than simply scout the place out like he'd said he would.

At least it seems like the two workers are preoccupied. Maybe he won't have to worry about them just yet.

He pulls his goggles down to make sure no one else might be moving around behind any of those hay bales before he starts to duck back out. Flipping up the cover on his ENC bracer, he starts tapping out a message to Shu to give her a rundown of what he's found so far.

[singlemilletgrain]

Shu has taken to performing a ritualistic series of breathing and meditative movements to pass the time, or what would be called tai chi on Earth. Her modest anxiety about Donnie's motions are evinced by the sudden jolt she gives when she feels her messaging device vibrate.

Don't engage them. I'll be right there.

Tail undulating behind her, she quickly ascends the walkway into the ship and follows his path winding down towards the cargo hold, taking care not to make too much noise. They are reunited soon enough.

"You want to neutralize them now?"

The figures in the distance are continuing their gesturing and discussion, oblivious to their spectators.

[purplexing]

Got it.

Donnie can't help but be a little anxious given Shu's sneaking skills, but at least the worst of the steps are literally behind them. That she manages to get to his position without detection is a relief.

"May as well. Better to do it now while they're still preoccupied," he says, nodding.

[singlemilletgrain]

Shu is improving. Probably. Anyway, Donnie's taken care of everything in a straight line path to the cargo hold, anyway. As she peeks around him to assess the situation, she takes note of the various hay bales scattered around and the lingering fragrant aroma of cow.

"...I have an idea."

She gestures for him to move back, out of sight to one side of the doorway. She takes up the opposite position, takes a deep breath and...

"Mooooooooooooooooo..."

does an excellent imitation of a content cow, casting her voice into the room and causing it to echo gently around the large chamber. The two soldiers startle and look around, appearing perplexed as there is no immediately visible cow.

"Geez. Did we leave one on the ship somewhere?"

"There's no way we missed a cow. That's ridiculous."

They exchange glances and shrugs before hurrying towards the doorway. Shu readies her weapon.

[purplexing]

The turtlekin tilts his head at that, but he steps back at Shu's indication. His eyes widen, maybe a touch startled as to just how realistic that cattle call sounds.

Well, that...works?

He glances back towards the cargo hold at the confused voices, stifling a snicker. At the sound of their approaching footsteps, he presses back against the side of the doorway with his own weapon readied.

[singlemilletgrain]

Boop.

As the first one passes through the doorway, he slumps over like a sack of bricks as Shu conks him over the head. So quickly does he go down that the follower can't help but trip over his colleague's body.

[purplexing]

That doesn't look like a pleasant spill, but Donnie's not here to be pleasant with cow thieves, or Imperials for that matter. He follows up quick to make sure the fellow's companion won't get back up so soon himself, looking to Shu with a nod.

[singlemilletgrain]

"Well."

She glances at the felled foes with stereotypical cartoon swirls rising from their bashed skulls.

"That was easier than expected."

Shu discreetly wipes a bit of blood off her scepter when Donnie is gazing down at their foes.

"That isn't all of them, I assume? Have you cleared the rest of the premises without me?"