寒露

[singlemilletgrain]

One might expect Shu to be participating in the Harvest Festival festivities. After all. That's... her expectation, in some sense. Not simply her job, but the reason for her existence. However, there were times when one needed to take on multiple roles, as unpleasant as some of them may be. And her other role, for a thousand years...

is the keeper of lost souls.

The Collapsals (that was a Sami term - the Yanese had a different term for the demons, but Esthere language mapped more closely onto non-Yanese words, she had found) and their incursions had been held at bay by Shu's powers for so long, she had almost forgotten what it was like not to have a heavy fraction of her power leached constantly from her into the land. Vice-versa... after a year in this place, it was good to have a reminder of the perils that still awaited at home.

Shu spends much of the following weeks in the research facility, cleaning up bodies, putting down monstrosities, praying, burning incense. On the gates outside the laboratory, she has spent many hours tying ribbons to the bars. One ribbon for each soul devoured by the disgraceful experiments conducted within. Though their flesh had been corrupted, their beings, she trusted, would return to the earth once flesh had been purged.

Not that she knew of 'being' outside flesh. But the people of all lands believed so fervently in such a thing, surely it must exist. And if it did not...

Then she, if no one else, would remember, such that they lived on.

Comments

[singlemilletgrain]

"Mm..."

She considers.

"The individuals that comprise the 'Empire' must certainly have their own thoughts and beliefs and motivations that guide them. Naturally, we may find all of these to be amoral or unacceptable. But while their deeds are detestable, such things may not always be wholly black and white. The soldier who fears retaliation upon their family... the worker who needs to feed their young... The guard who is only thankful she has been spared such horror."

Turning back to meet Donnie's eyes, her smile is a bit weary.

"At least... let us keep our minds open -- lest we become guilty of the same sin of deciding that they might not be people, either."

[purplexing]

"Oh..." Put like that, it doesn't make it any easier to fight against the Empire. It sounds like a matter of fighting for rights versus fighting to keep them.

...and it's hardly fair.

Donnie's own expression is strained. It's already been difficult enough, each battle he's gone through. It only seems to get worse. "Then...who do we fight for? Whether it's one side or the other, we're denying the opposition some sort of peace."

[singlemilletgrain]

"I have no simple answer, Donnie." She shakes her head. "The truth I know... for the individual, there is no such thing as a just war. Though I may hope history proclaims our deeds to be worthy of praise, history does not care to record what happens to the children of the soldiers we killed... Ah! Do you think they will be mollified when we tell them it is because we are fighting a just war?"

"But to ponder such things invites only weariness of the spirit. It is good to understand the costs of your actions... to weigh the balance of life and death. Should conviction leave you, then perhaps the battlefield is not the right place for you. There is no shame in that..."

The 'you' does not seem to refer to Donnie, specifically. Shu walks at a leisurely pace, onwards, as the sun hangs low on the horizon.

"What you fight for is not for anyone else to say."

[purplexing]

That's too much to think about. He hadn't even considered how things would be recorded historically, not that he'd been particularly interested in history books in the library. But thinking about how the families of those who met their end at Corsair hands... There'd be no peace for them, they wouldn't see this as a win. There were losses no matter which side of the coin you looked at.

It was simpler when you looked at it from a whole, when you saw the Empire for all the evils it produced and its terrible gears that threatened to grind everyone else it considered beneath it into dust. So does that make everyone who grew up with such a security, terrible? What if they simply didn't know what other people went through? Then whose fault is that?

Ah, his overthink's in overdrive again, effectively stopping him in his tracks as his thoughts turn.

In the end, it's just a test of who wants something more badly. All he wants is for his family to be safe, for people to be given the chance to live without the fear of something like the Empire looming over them, dictating who gets to be treated with respect. For those who have been pulled here to be enslaved for the Empire's use to find their way back home. At least he's unwavering in that.

[singlemilletgrain]

Shu allows Donnie his time to ponder. The inevitability of conflict was something she had personally made peace with long ago. Indeed, her very existence was born from war - perhaps it was ironic that she would spend such a span of time seeking to quell its fires.

When he stops walking, she pauses beside him and keeps her gaze in the distance. After a long period of solemn contemplation passes, she raises a hand slowly...

And boops him on the head.

"If you worry much more, you will grow white hairs." Her eyes flicker to him briefly. "...White nose hair." And then how will he attract a beautiful young mate?? "Do not fret so, Donnie. One day, you may have the opportunity to shape the direction of this world..."

[purplexing]

Donnie jolts back at that with a tiny yelp. Any apologies he can and had thought to make completely dissolve at her teasing, bringing about a familiar pout.

Well, at least that's one way to pull him out of a mood, but Shu's following reassurance sobers him. Putting it that way makes it so much heavier, especially now with the things he'd just been thinking about.

...but he can't just stop, and for all the uncertainties, he still believes in what they're doing. Or at least he knows where he stands in fighting alongside the Corsairs. The turtlekin lifts his head, drawing in a deep breath as he squares his shoulders.

"Maybe. But even the little things we do have an effect. I'll try to keep doing my best."

[singlemilletgrain]

"I find that one's best is often fortified with some tea..." She murmurs.

It isn't long before they reach the shuttle back to the teleportation device, whisking them home after a few formalities in checking identification.

"But you know... I do not wish to bring a somber mood, but the reality is, I think, that our goals become more achievable by the week. When that day comes, those of us who are not native to this place will seek to depart. That is what I meant when I said 'the opportunity to shape this world.' It is, after all, yours to take."

They are on the path back towards her home now.

"I think it is time to begin to consider, you Corsairs of Esthere... what you would seek to create in that future."

[purplexing]

"...."

It's not like he hasn't given it thought. But he'd always figured that working out what would happen after the Empire is something that would be handled by those who have been leading the Corsairs. No, he'd always found himself mainly focused upon the part about those non-native to the world...leaving.

It's an inevitable thing, an important thing that he's been very intent on ever since learning about what the Empire was doing with people not even of their world. And yet, why does it hurt to think about? He wants very much to help his friends go home, to help Shu, help Raph...

His eyes burn unpleasantly, making it hard to focus again, and he tries to swallow the knot that's inexplicably formed in his throat.

What more would there be, after? He'd get his friends home, and hopefully he'd find his own family to be home with as well. It had been simpler to think of then. But can he really be happy with that, after knowing what they've been fighting for, trying to change things? Shu's right; there's no end to it, only another beginning.

[singlemilletgrain]

She unlocks the door of her unit and ushers Donnie in. He is seated at the table, fussed over, and subjected to a plate of snacks thrust in front of him. A familiar ritual. Once the kettle is set on the stove, Shu settles herself beside him and helps herself to a sort of biscuit with cream.

"...What is on your mind, Donnie? With such a morose expression, you will frighten the crops back into the slumber of their seed cases."

[purplexing]

Shu's dwelling is a comforting space at least. Donnie settles, gnawing mindlessly on the offered snacks as she busies herself with getting the tea prepped.

He winces when Shu breaks the silence with her inquiry, letting out a sigh then.

"Too much. It's...kind of ironic for all the planning ahead that I try to account for, I...guess I never planned that far ahead." Or maybe it's more that there are too many uncertainties for the after, and too many things he'd been focused on for the more present planning. It seemed dangerous to think too far ahead when the Empire had started hitting back harder.

[singlemilletgrain]

"Why, does the prospect fill you with such dread?" Shu smiles and gently reaches out to lift his chin. "You ought fervently await such an event with exultation. Think of all the good you will be able to do, after this suffering and conflict."

She lowers her hand.

"But it is premature to foresee victory, of course. I am not saying to become complacent, only... that it is wise to see beyond one's immediate surroundings. Such a shift in power could easily face complications if the Corsairs are not prepared."

The kettle begins to whistle in the kitchen. Shu stands and busies herself laying out the necessary accoutrements for the tea. One might remember that many months ago, she had played a game with the Corsairs, taking on the role of a fortune teller. Perhaps she is foreseeing a need to speak these words now, lest certain eventualities come as a surprise.

"We do not need to dwell on such things if they bring you unease."

[purplexing]

Donnie looks up at her gentle gesture, which just makes things harder, really. He's going to have to say good-bye, once they get control of the gate, once they can send everyone home. That's always been part of the plan, part of Fixing Everything, but it's simultaneously a part he dreads. He's in no way prepared to deal with missing everyone he's come to know as comrade and friend.

"I know..."

That's not even touching upon old anxieties about whether he'll be able to find his family or not. The struggle with that hasn't changed very much, but the tension from the Empire and the push for action from the Corsairs had made it less ideal to try and look.

It's dumb, childish, even, he thinks. He tries to shove those thoughts and feelings down, absently brushing at crumbs on the table to gather them in a tiny pile.

"...it's hard not to. I know we're making so much progress, but I know we can't get too cocky about things either, even if it looks like we're so much closer to things than we ever were. But there's still a lot to do."

[singlemilletgrain]

Quite likely, this is exactly what she wanted to prepare him for. If all proceeded as planned, there would be a time in the not-too-distant future when they would have to bid goodbye. For Shu, who had seen many goodbyes, it would be another wound on a well-scarred heart. For Donnie, who was young, she feared the loss would take some time to overcome.

(More importantly... who would plan out his future for him?)

And so it was better to acknowledge it upfront...

"Of course."

A gentle stream of tea cascades into his cup before she slides it in front of him. "But we will continue to persevere. The morale is at a high, even -- despite what just faced." In the grand scheme of things, they had taken an important facility of the Empire's despite the... atrocities. "What do you wish for, Donnie? Do not say what you ought to do or what the Corsairs are fighting for. What is it that you would like?"

[purplexing]

Donnie pulls the tea cup closer, letting his hands linger over the steaming contents. It's already getting chillier again, and he wonders how the winter preparations will go if they decide to push for more of an advance against the Empire.

"...." It's a difficult question Shu sets before him, but then it's just as well that she narrows it down for him so he doesn't have to consider any of the politics. His lower lip quivers almost dangerously but he presses it firmly against the other, carefully curling his fingers around the teacup, claws he's neglected to clip for the past month or so clicking lightly against the sides.

"...I just want to go home," he says quietly.

[singlemilletgrain]

She observes the claws, of course. There isn't much that escapes her notice. She also observes that now is not the time to chastise him about bodily hygiene, even if teenagers needed to learn that just because one had important duties, one did not allow one's keratin to grow unattended for 30 whole days.

"...Of course."

Her hand slides over his.

"We shall find where they are." She will not add much more. 'Even if you put it off. Even if you're afraid.' Whatever it was that was keeping him from doing so, it clearly wasn't something he was going to get through on his own.

[purplexing]

The claws are natural! He'd only started trimming them because the Imperials didn't like him scratching up their furniture and floors.

It's an old dance, this conversation. His reasons are still the same, but he can't get himself out of the mental trenches he digs, the paralyzing thoughts of the what-if's. He's afraid to render himself useless to the Corsairs if the worst of his fears turn out to be truth. But he's afraid of being too late too.

Donnie slips his hands from his teacup to curl around Shu's hand instead.

"...after this. After we finish things, or if we take Innistis." He looks determined, but he feels like he'll easily change his mind, reconsider everything and make up another excuse, which is why he says it aloud. To have someone as witness, who will push him to hold to it.

[singlemilletgrain]

"One of those may be a bit further down the path than the other."

She smiles. Because with any luck, they might be taking Innistis sometime in the near (?) future. At least, with the progress they've been making. But she solemnly takes his hand and then lifts it in the air, shaking it up and down as if they are making a promise.

"I shall hold you to it."

No takebacks. Not again.

"And if you would like... I shall come with you again." As she had offered the last time. But she had some thoughts of her own, too. There was no reason Donnie needed to start searching for his family after that benchmark. It would be much easier if they had some preliminary information prior to that moment...

[purplexing]

He knows, which is why he's set those parameters- so he won't have an excuse to avoid it again. Because he doesn't know how hard the Empire will come down on them, what stops they'll pull if they wait until everything is over, how many more will die and who all might become collateral. But at least if Innistis is under their control, then it'll be easier to go to where Donnie knew home to be, without having to worry about Imperial patrols.

That's as far as he allows himself to think, trying to yank his thoughts off of the what-if's. He nods at Shu.

"Please..."

[singlemilletgrain]

Don't make that face, Donnie. Shu has to close her eyes briefly and assume a philosophically wise and distant expression, like a sort of matronly Buddha - mostly to give herself time to dispel her fantasies of reaching out and pulling both of his cheeks like mochi.

Ah... youth.

...
...
...

Alright, that was possibly too long.

"Of course, Donnie. No matter what you require, I shall be there."

((This seems like a natural spot to close if you would like to! But I'm also happy to continue and segue into a different topic, let me know!))

[purplexing]

((OOC: gbo;efjj Oh Shu. I think that's a good closing though, yes!))