寒露

[singlemilletgrain]

One might expect Shu to be participating in the Harvest Festival festivities. After all. That's... her expectation, in some sense. Not simply her job, but the reason for her existence. However, there were times when one needed to take on multiple roles, as unpleasant as some of them may be. And her other role, for a thousand years...

is the keeper of lost souls.

The Collapsals (that was a Sami term - the Yanese had a different term for the demons, but Esthere language mapped more closely onto non-Yanese words, she had found) and their incursions had been held at bay by Shu's powers for so long, she had almost forgotten what it was like not to have a heavy fraction of her power leached constantly from her into the land. Vice-versa... after a year in this place, it was good to have a reminder of the perils that still awaited at home.

Shu spends much of the following weeks in the research facility, cleaning up bodies, putting down monstrosities, praying, burning incense. On the gates outside the laboratory, she has spent many hours tying ribbons to the bars. One ribbon for each soul devoured by the disgraceful experiments conducted within. Though their flesh had been corrupted, their beings, she trusted, would return to the earth once flesh had been purged.

Not that she knew of 'being' outside flesh. But the people of all lands believed so fervently in such a thing, surely it must exist. And if it did not...

Then she, if no one else, would remember, such that they lived on.

Comments

[purplexing]

Dealing with the dead is far from Donnie's comfort zone. But he'd been tasked with helping go through the more technical aspects of the laboratory and its security systems. It's however difficult to separate what had happened within and outside of those walls.

He still can't look at a body for long without feeling his gorge rise, not in the various states of mutilation as these had been. At least the halls within don't smell like the dead or of decay, but the incense that lingers is strong and almost as nauseating at times. Donnie extracts himself from the place to try and get a fresh breath of air and take a break from staring at machinery.

And so it is that he finds himself looking at the ribbons decorating the gates, the ends blowing in the light breeze.

[spacetogrow]

Ilphyl didn't grow up with much reverence for the dead. Lolth's teachings tended to view death as a failure state for survival. But their first encounter with non-drow had been myconids, who used dead bodies as a resource, as mushrooms did. And it fit into a druid point of view: souls might go to the gods, but bodies should return to the earth via scavengers.

So they are happy to help clean up bodies, and accept the view that whatever had happened to the souls, they were out of the situation. They have a bunch of seedlings with them, because... well, if the earth can reclaim this place, all the better, from Ilphyl's point of view. Mostly plants that are just intended to be beautiful, rather than food or herbs.

"I'm going to have to learn if any of the chemicals used here are bad for plants," they said.

[singlemilletgrain]

"Erm."

Shu bites her lower lip.

"I would be bold enough to say... that all of the chemicals used here are bad for plants." She shakes her head with a gentle crinkle of the forehead. "But I would simply not, perhaps, eat any vegetables that may grow here. The plants and vegetal matter will purify and leach some of these contaminants out of the earth, in due time."

[singlemilletgrain]

((weird! didn't get a notif for this
still saw it anyway but still weird))

Some time passes before Shu silently joins him, her figure visible from the interior door of the facility as she approaches. She does not speak even when she stands by his side and watches the ribbons flutter in the breeze.

"..."

Eventually, if he does not speak, either, she will simply place a light hand on his shoulder.

[purplexing]

For a good while it seems like he won't say anything. It's difficult to find words, harder still to express what he might be feeling. Donnie just doesn't know.

Some part of him at least feels relieved when Shu joins him, to chase off some of that sense of something immense, something that'd swallow him up in his lonesome. It's still there though, like it's waiting for one of them to turn their back.

"There's so many..." he says softly.

[singlemilletgrain]

"...Yes."

It would be neither useful nor relevant to give a philosophical speech on mortality and the relatively minor scale of death in the grand scheme of the universe.

There were more than there should be. That was many.

"I wish there were records of names."

She had made an approximation of the number solely from the logbook of prisoners housed over the years. ...Mostly, prisoners crossed out of the logbook. Alongside the bodies they had found or... created, following the recent battle, that would have to suffice.

"...Do you pray, Donnie?"

[purplexing]

Donnie knows that there's been so many more than these who have fallen for all the battles they've had to fight. But you didn't really see it. It always made so much more of an impression when there were names to be read off, or seeing them represented like this. And it isn't even counting both sides...

He pulls the front of his jacket closed tighter, like it can help for the chill he feels.

Shu's question earns a blink, and he slowly shakes his head. He's not ignorant of the practice. But he has no idea who or what to pray to, much less what good it would do for those already lost.

[singlemilletgrain]

The words she speaks are not Yanese, but something altogether different. Perhaps Donnie will recognize that, with some experience hearing her native tongue. But the translation follows, spoken slowly and gravely.

"I beseech that the souls of the departed may find the pure land and be reborn. Let the life to come bring no pain. May they find happiness. May they find mercy. May they find peace..."

The words hang in the air for a moment before Shu speaks again.

"Prayers, I find... do very little for those who have gone ahead, for they are beyond the reach of our words. But rather... for my own sake. For those who remain behind to come to terms with what has transpired. That we, too, may know peace..."

Despite knowing better than most what shaped the fundamental forces of the world, the practice is one she has retained ever since the first peasant in the first harvest after her friend's death had begun to call upon the spirit of Shennong...

"But do not tell anyone I said this, for it is a bit blasphemous I believe. Some feelings cannot be resolved, you know... only... released."

[purplexing]

It's always interesting to hear when Shu speaks a different language, although these don't take a shape or sound he's become familiar with. Belatedly he wonders if he's expected to do anything once Shu offers her words in something he understands.

Ah, so he's not the only one who thinks that way. Donnie looks at her again. That makes sense, he supposes. A belief that they as those who continue to live, can hold onto, a hope that helps them to keep going so they won't be weighed down by the loss.

He nods solemnly.

[singlemilletgrain]

He is not expected to do anything. Having kept a shrine for a millennium, Shu has long moved past the expectation for worshipers - or non-worshipers - to do anything in particular. She concludes her small ritual by pressing her palms together in front of her chest and bowing deeply.

"...Do you have more business in the facility today, Donnie? If not, I have concluded my -- " Is there a euphemism for burning bodies? "...Cleaning. We may return to the Vault if you wish."

[purplexing]

It just feels a bit awkward not to do anything, but at the same time Donnie doesn't want to make a mockery of it, so he just stands, respectfully quiet. He shakes his head when Shu finishes.

"No, I think I'm mostly done for today. If anyone comes across anything I might want to look at, I'm sure they'll let me know."

Truthfully he doesn't want to stay here any longer than he has to.

"We can go..."

[singlemilletgrain]

"Then let us leave this unfortunate place." Shu nods and turns with a sweep of robes. "Come. Have tea and cake with me."

This is not a request, of course.

As she leads the way to the aerial transit that connects to the teleportation device that will take them home, she glances back at the facility once.

"...How are your toes?"

Her smile may have a faint touch of mischievousness.

[purplexing]

It's not a non-request Donnie minds, at least. Hopefully by the time they get back to the Vault, he'll be able to stir up an appetite again, because he'd hate to turn down cake. And so he follows after Shu, doing his best to put all thoughts of the research facilities behind him.

Oh, but of course she has to ask about that. He pouts. So much.

"Thoroughly scrubbed and sanitized thrice over. -it wasn't funny!"

[singlemilletgrain]

"Do not fear," she responds with proper solemnity. "I have recited the Sutra of Lower Extremity Cleansing and Protection from Evil to intercede on your behalf with the gods most fervently. With such pious exhortation, the possibility that you will contract sepsis is certainly approaching less than 1%."

(..........she might still be making fun of him.)

"But in more serious matters..."

Her eyes track up to the autumn sky. It is a crisp, golden day, of the sort that sometimes makes one forgot the frost is near at hand.

"You seemed ill at ease in the facility." Indeed. He had puked. "I don't mean the monstrosities, perhaps..."

[purplexing]

ALL the pouting.

"I don't even know what sepsis is!"

But it must be horrible. Which makes her poking fun at him even worse.

Donnie pulls his attention away from his toes as Shu speaks up again, the chill he feels more of an internal response than to the inevitable change of the season.

"I don't understand how people can do those sorts of things to other people. ...I think we toured through there once, but since it wasn't the focus of the visit, we didn't linger long. I didn't know that was what was going on in such a place..."

[singlemilletgrain]

A soft sigh escapes her.

“…I believe that is the crux of the issue. There are those who do not believe that other people are… ‘people.’ It has often been that way…”

The Infected. The plight of the Sarkaz. The Sankta and their views towards any who dwelled in Laterano who did not partake in their shared will.

“It is unusual… for one individual to think himself above all others, though. Everything else simply a prop in his life. How deep the iniquities of a single man can run…”

[purplexing]

"It's terrible..." That doctor had thought so highly of himself that he'd even denied when he was losing.

"But the Empire is basically the same, right?" Thinking that they are better than others to the point of exploiting anyone they see as 'less' to be used as fodder for their personal gains.

[spacetogrow]

Ilphyl nodded. "It's why I was thinking flowers, not food plants. I don't want to plant them just to have them die, but this place needs new life." It was hard to explain, just a feeling that while remembering what happened was important, so was letting nature take parts of the place back. And that even if the dead didn't linger here, having conventionally pretty nature might be better than just trusting to chance.

Ilphyl had been in places that were blighted on a spiritual or magical level, and that felt worse than the physical signs of natural disaster or the result of a battle. Even some of the hardier plants might be worth trying in the worst spots.

[singlemilletgrain]

"Mm..."

She considers.

"The individuals that comprise the 'Empire' must certainly have their own thoughts and beliefs and motivations that guide them. Naturally, we may find all of these to be amoral or unacceptable. But while their deeds are detestable, such things may not always be wholly black and white. The soldier who fears retaliation upon their family... the worker who needs to feed their young... The guard who is only thankful she has been spared such horror."

Turning back to meet Donnie's eyes, her smile is a bit weary.

"At least... let us keep our minds open -- lest we become guilty of the same sin of deciding that they might not be people, either."

[singlemilletgrain]

"That would be a lovely thought." Shu smiles gently at this suggestion. "This place is indeed in need of... beauty. It has languished in darkness for too long. Though the deeds shall not be forgotten, at least, a resting place for so many ought to embody peace for those who remain here."

She is a goddess of agriculture, less so of nature in general. Even if she could compel the flowers to bloom, this seemed like it was a task better done by hand.

[purplexing]

"Oh..." Put like that, it doesn't make it any easier to fight against the Empire. It sounds like a matter of fighting for rights versus fighting to keep them.

...and it's hardly fair.

Donnie's own expression is strained. It's already been difficult enough, each battle he's gone through. It only seems to get worse. "Then...who do we fight for? Whether it's one side or the other, we're denying the opposition some sort of peace."

[spacetogrow]

Ilphyl doesn't mind using their magic to start seedlings, but right now, they are content to work with their hands. "I'd bring some mushrooms as well, but fewer people seem to find them beautiful."

[singlemilletgrain]

"I have no simple answer, Donnie." She shakes her head. "The truth I know... for the individual, there is no such thing as a just war. Though I may hope history proclaims our deeds to be worthy of praise, history does not care to record what happens to the children of the soldiers we killed... Ah! Do you think they will be mollified when we tell them it is because we are fighting a just war?"

"But to ponder such things invites only weariness of the spirit. It is good to understand the costs of your actions... to weigh the balance of life and death. Should conviction leave you, then perhaps the battlefield is not the right place for you. There is no shame in that..."

The 'you' does not seem to refer to Donnie, specifically. Shu walks at a leisurely pace, onwards, as the sun hangs low on the horizon.

"What you fight for is not for anyone else to say."

[singlemilletgrain]

"Hm. As those people are not here, perhaps you may do as you please. I believe fungi are also necessary for the health of an ecosystem..."

In reasonable amounts.

"I wonder if there is any possibility of salvaging this facility for our own use. I do not believe the experiments could yield anything of value, but the raw materials, perhaps..."

[purplexing]

That's too much to think about. He hadn't even considered how things would be recorded historically, not that he'd been particularly interested in history books in the library. But thinking about how the families of those who met their end at Corsair hands... There'd be no peace for them, they wouldn't see this as a win. There were losses no matter which side of the coin you looked at.

It was simpler when you looked at it from a whole, when you saw the Empire for all the evils it produced and its terrible gears that threatened to grind everyone else it considered beneath it into dust. So does that make everyone who grew up with such a security, terrible? What if they simply didn't know what other people went through? Then whose fault is that?

Ah, his overthink's in overdrive again, effectively stopping him in his tracks as his thoughts turn.

In the end, it's just a test of who wants something more badly. All he wants is for his family to be safe, for people to be given the chance to live without the fear of something like the Empire looming over them, dictating who gets to be treated with respect. For those who have been pulled here to be enslaved for the Empire's use to find their way back home. At least he's unwavering in that.

[singlemilletgrain]

Shu allows Donnie his time to ponder. The inevitability of conflict was something she had personally made peace with long ago. Indeed, her very existence was born from war - perhaps it was ironic that she would spend such a span of time seeking to quell its fires.

When he stops walking, she pauses beside him and keeps her gaze in the distance. After a long period of solemn contemplation passes, she raises a hand slowly...

And boops him on the head.

"If you worry much more, you will grow white hairs." Her eyes flicker to him briefly. "...White nose hair." And then how will he attract a beautiful young mate?? "Do not fret so, Donnie. One day, you may have the opportunity to shape the direction of this world..."

[purplexing]

Donnie jolts back at that with a tiny yelp. Any apologies he can and had thought to make completely dissolve at her teasing, bringing about a familiar pout.

Well, at least that's one way to pull him out of a mood, but Shu's following reassurance sobers him. Putting it that way makes it so much heavier, especially now with the things he'd just been thinking about.

...but he can't just stop, and for all the uncertainties, he still believes in what they're doing. Or at least he knows where he stands in fighting alongside the Corsairs. The turtlekin lifts his head, drawing in a deep breath as he squares his shoulders.

"Maybe. But even the little things we do have an effect. I'll try to keep doing my best."

[singlemilletgrain]

"I find that one's best is often fortified with some tea..." She murmurs.

It isn't long before they reach the shuttle back to the teleportation device, whisking them home after a few formalities in checking identification.

"But you know... I do not wish to bring a somber mood, but the reality is, I think, that our goals become more achievable by the week. When that day comes, those of us who are not native to this place will seek to depart. That is what I meant when I said 'the opportunity to shape this world.' It is, after all, yours to take."

They are on the path back towards her home now.

"I think it is time to begin to consider, you Corsairs of Esthere... what you would seek to create in that future."

[purplexing]

"...."

It's not like he hasn't given it thought. But he'd always figured that working out what would happen after the Empire is something that would be handled by those who have been leading the Corsairs. No, he'd always found himself mainly focused upon the part about those non-native to the world...leaving.

It's an inevitable thing, an important thing that he's been very intent on ever since learning about what the Empire was doing with people not even of their world. And yet, why does it hurt to think about? He wants very much to help his friends go home, to help Shu, help Raph...

His eyes burn unpleasantly, making it hard to focus again, and he tries to swallow the knot that's inexplicably formed in his throat.

What more would there be, after? He'd get his friends home, and hopefully he'd find his own family to be home with as well. It had been simpler to think of then. But can he really be happy with that, after knowing what they've been fighting for, trying to change things? Shu's right; there's no end to it, only another beginning.

[singlemilletgrain]

She unlocks the door of her unit and ushers Donnie in. He is seated at the table, fussed over, and subjected to a plate of snacks thrust in front of him. A familiar ritual. Once the kettle is set on the stove, Shu settles herself beside him and helps herself to a sort of biscuit with cream.

"...What is on your mind, Donnie? With such a morose expression, you will frighten the crops back into the slumber of their seed cases."

[purplexing]

Shu's dwelling is a comforting space at least. Donnie settles, gnawing mindlessly on the offered snacks as she busies herself with getting the tea prepped.

He winces when Shu breaks the silence with her inquiry, letting out a sigh then.

"Too much. It's...kind of ironic for all the planning ahead that I try to account for, I...guess I never planned that far ahead." Or maybe it's more that there are too many uncertainties for the after, and too many things he'd been focused on for the more present planning. It seemed dangerous to think too far ahead when the Empire had started hitting back harder.

[singlemilletgrain]

"Why, does the prospect fill you with such dread?" Shu smiles and gently reaches out to lift his chin. "You ought fervently await such an event with exultation. Think of all the good you will be able to do, after this suffering and conflict."

She lowers her hand.

"But it is premature to foresee victory, of course. I am not saying to become complacent, only... that it is wise to see beyond one's immediate surroundings. Such a shift in power could easily face complications if the Corsairs are not prepared."

The kettle begins to whistle in the kitchen. Shu stands and busies herself laying out the necessary accoutrements for the tea. One might remember that many months ago, she had played a game with the Corsairs, taking on the role of a fortune teller. Perhaps she is foreseeing a need to speak these words now, lest certain eventualities come as a surprise.

"We do not need to dwell on such things if they bring you unease."

[purplexing]

Donnie looks up at her gentle gesture, which just makes things harder, really. He's going to have to say good-bye, once they get control of the gate, once they can send everyone home. That's always been part of the plan, part of Fixing Everything, but it's simultaneously a part he dreads. He's in no way prepared to deal with missing everyone he's come to know as comrade and friend.

"I know..."

That's not even touching upon old anxieties about whether he'll be able to find his family or not. The struggle with that hasn't changed very much, but the tension from the Empire and the push for action from the Corsairs had made it less ideal to try and look.

It's dumb, childish, even, he thinks. He tries to shove those thoughts and feelings down, absently brushing at crumbs on the table to gather them in a tiny pile.

"...it's hard not to. I know we're making so much progress, but I know we can't get too cocky about things either, even if it looks like we're so much closer to things than we ever were. But there's still a lot to do."

[singlemilletgrain]

Quite likely, this is exactly what she wanted to prepare him for. If all proceeded as planned, there would be a time in the not-too-distant future when they would have to bid goodbye. For Shu, who had seen many goodbyes, it would be another wound on a well-scarred heart. For Donnie, who was young, she feared the loss would take some time to overcome.

(More importantly... who would plan out his future for him?)

And so it was better to acknowledge it upfront...

"Of course."

A gentle stream of tea cascades into his cup before she slides it in front of him. "But we will continue to persevere. The morale is at a high, even -- despite what just faced." In the grand scheme of things, they had taken an important facility of the Empire's despite the... atrocities. "What do you wish for, Donnie? Do not say what you ought to do or what the Corsairs are fighting for. What is it that you would like?"

[purplexing]

Donnie pulls the tea cup closer, letting his hands linger over the steaming contents. It's already getting chillier again, and he wonders how the winter preparations will go if they decide to push for more of an advance against the Empire.

"...." It's a difficult question Shu sets before him, but then it's just as well that she narrows it down for him so he doesn't have to consider any of the politics. His lower lip quivers almost dangerously but he presses it firmly against the other, carefully curling his fingers around the teacup, claws he's neglected to clip for the past month or so clicking lightly against the sides.

"...I just want to go home," he says quietly.

[singlemilletgrain]

She observes the claws, of course. There isn't much that escapes her notice. She also observes that now is not the time to chastise him about bodily hygiene, even if teenagers needed to learn that just because one had important duties, one did not allow one's keratin to grow unattended for 30 whole days.

"...Of course."

Her hand slides over his.

"We shall find where they are." She will not add much more. 'Even if you put it off. Even if you're afraid.' Whatever it was that was keeping him from doing so, it clearly wasn't something he was going to get through on his own.

[purplexing]

The claws are natural! He'd only started trimming them because the Imperials didn't like him scratching up their furniture and floors.

It's an old dance, this conversation. His reasons are still the same, but he can't get himself out of the mental trenches he digs, the paralyzing thoughts of the what-if's. He's afraid to render himself useless to the Corsairs if the worst of his fears turn out to be truth. But he's afraid of being too late too.

Donnie slips his hands from his teacup to curl around Shu's hand instead.

"...after this. After we finish things, or if we take Innistis." He looks determined, but he feels like he'll easily change his mind, reconsider everything and make up another excuse, which is why he says it aloud. To have someone as witness, who will push him to hold to it.

[singlemilletgrain]

"One of those may be a bit further down the path than the other."

She smiles. Because with any luck, they might be taking Innistis sometime in the near (?) future. At least, with the progress they've been making. But she solemnly takes his hand and then lifts it in the air, shaking it up and down as if they are making a promise.

"I shall hold you to it."

No takebacks. Not again.

"And if you would like... I shall come with you again." As she had offered the last time. But she had some thoughts of her own, too. There was no reason Donnie needed to start searching for his family after that benchmark. It would be much easier if they had some preliminary information prior to that moment...

[purplexing]

He knows, which is why he's set those parameters- so he won't have an excuse to avoid it again. Because he doesn't know how hard the Empire will come down on them, what stops they'll pull if they wait until everything is over, how many more will die and who all might become collateral. But at least if Innistis is under their control, then it'll be easier to go to where Donnie knew home to be, without having to worry about Imperial patrols.

That's as far as he allows himself to think, trying to yank his thoughts off of the what-if's. He nods at Shu.

"Please..."

[singlemilletgrain]

Don't make that face, Donnie. Shu has to close her eyes briefly and assume a philosophically wise and distant expression, like a sort of matronly Buddha - mostly to give herself time to dispel her fantasies of reaching out and pulling both of his cheeks like mochi.

Ah... youth.

...
...
...

Alright, that was possibly too long.

"Of course, Donnie. No matter what you require, I shall be there."

((This seems like a natural spot to close if you would like to! But I'm also happy to continue and segue into a different topic, let me know!))

[purplexing]

((OOC: gbo;efjj Oh Shu. I think that's a good closing though, yes!))