Player Plot: How to Get Away With Moo-der

[singlemilletgrain]

Who: Shu, cows, and you
What: Udder cowtastrophe
Where: Farmlands outside of Elysium
When: Mid-month
Warnings: Animal cruelty



As the farmer plods away to resume tending his fields, Shu shakes her head with a frown and addresses her companion. "That is the fourth farmer this week to report a missing herd of livestock. These aren't small losses, either. It is unimaginable that they simply vanished off the face of the earth."

Not coincidentally, Shu is currently seated atop her own oxen, who is placidly chewing on some grains underfoot.

"Let us examine the pasture. He said there were numerous markings he could not make sense of. These disappearances will be catastrophic for the small farmer if they continue and have a lasting ripple effect on the supply chain of meat. Not just for the Corsairs."

She nudges He Sheng with her ankles.

Comments

[newmemorywhodis]

Quickly raising his shield, Link manages to deflect the soldier's bullets. But his cow is large, and undefended - and Link knows it would be all too easy for the soldier to shoot the creature dead.

So this time, rather than a bomb flower it's a large eyeball that Link Fuses to his arrow. And when he aims, it's not at the third trailer at all - instead, it's off to the side.

But that doesn't matter, because mid-flight the arrow changes direction - and hones in on the soldier with the gun, striking him right in the head. Then Link fires off a few more, enough to strike every soldier on the trailer.

And then - since Link's cow has been thundering towards the third trailer the entire time - he comes in close. And leaps off his bovine mount, and onto the trailer.

Link's trailer, now. Any soldiers still alive will be unceremoniously kicked off before Link takes the wheel.

[singlemilletgrain]

On Shu's side, a line of thorns springs up from the ground as her white ox gallantly charges forward, and there is a pop-pop-popping of tires as the trailer drives over the makeshift caltrops. Still, they're not quite as effective as a bomb and the trailer swerves back and forth as it attempts to keep steady. The three soldiers attempting to corral the cattle are forced to spring out of the way as she charges into their midst.

Link's shiny new trailer, on the other hand, may be somewhat unfamiliar as it is unfortunately not powered by Zonai technology. There are some levers and buttons that would probably be fun to push, but whether or not he can successfully drive the machine is up to his ingenuity.

His cow, bereft of a rider, slows to a halt and realizes that it rather enjoyed the sensation and moos somewhat sadly.

[newmemorywhodis]

Okay, so it's not Zonai technology. But no one ever really told him how to drive those contraptions either. He just kinda had to figure it out.

Which is exactly what Link does here - he presses buttons, he pulls levers, he twists wheels. He pokes at everything there is to be poked, taking note of what happens when he does so.

It means that there's a few moments where the trailer is wildly jerking around, utterly erratic. But then Link gets an idea of what's what, and the trailer begins to move with more intent and purpose.

And that purpose, of course, is moving towards the remaining trailers. His former mount is left behind - although Link does give them a wave as he goes.

Perhaps later he can give them another ride.

[singlemilletgrain]

Most of the buttons and levers seem to shift the truck into forward, reverse, change gears, activate the wipers, etc. For some reason, a large red pullable tab causes one of the headlights to retract and turn into a protrusion from which a giant squeaky hammer is retrieved and begins to indiscriminately pound the ground on his right side.

Link finds himself driving towards the trailer that Shu has accosted. Still swerving, it has managed to restabilize enough to limp after the remaining cows.

On the ground, Shu's mount makes an about face and gores one of the soldiers in the rear end, tossing him over Shu's head. Scepter outstretched, she leaps off and assails another directly.

Not too much longer now.

[newmemorywhodis]

The squeaky hammer's a bit of a surprise, really. But it does give Link ideas.

So as Link speeds towards the enemy trailer, he pulls up alongside them - and then pulls the red tab. Out comes the squeaky hammer, smashing right into the trailer.

Will it do much? Link doesn't know. But the sound is fun, so why not? And just in case it is ineffective, he'll also toss an Ice Fruit into the trailer. Just for good measure.

[singlemilletgrain]

((Sorry for the delay! Had a busy few days. Probably going to ease this towards the end now, if that's OK!))

Alas, the squeaky hammer is indeed a squeaky hammer and doesn't exactly do much to pierce through the trailer's metal cabin, although it definitely is fun. The surprise of being hit with a squeaky hammer is probably enough to momentarily stun them into inaction, though, at the very least, which suffices to permanently stun them into inaction as the driver freezes solid.

Three trailers down, most soldiers incapacitated and one last soldier thrown into the air by an ornery cow. Shu dashes over to the weighted net and, with a significant effort, heaves it up high enough that there is an opening for the captured cows to escape. Before long, the stream of cattle are stampeding on their way down through the plains again.

"...Do you think cattle have a honing sense?"

Shu approaches Link's stolen trailer as the white ox lows and nudges at her. It appears it wants them to follow.

[newmemorywhodis]

[[it's all good! I've been slow too. And happy to wrap things up soon]]

Do cattle have a honing sense? Link shrugs; he has no idea. He doesn't even know much about cattle, really.

But even if they can't, the white ox is clearly something special. So Link shifts the stolen trailer into gear, and moves to follow wherever the ox wants them to go.