Uncertain Heart [Open]

[upupatomway]

Soldiers take stock of weapons and ammunition, mechanics are in and out of the armor workshop, all in anticipation of the movement on Vindess that leaders are discussing. Atom had finished reading another magic book and in practice at the target range, he leaves targets quickly fried to a crisp by electricity. He had faced monsters here, he had faced other monsters and robots at home. Logically, he is ready to join the battle.

He had never attacked a human though. At home, it was against the law for a robot to seriously harm or kill a human, even in self-defense. He had always been under the watchful eye of the public as a representative of the robot race, and labeled a hero after saving people from accidents. He delayed the bad humans until the police arrived. There are definitely parallels between the slavery in the Empire and the slavery of robots, but this is a different world with different rules, and he is aware of what participating in battle might mean.

He isn't sure what the right thing to do is.

He decides to seek out someone who might have more battle experience to give him perspective. The Vault has a few possible candidates, but he also makes a point of visiting Flotsam where there are warriors abound. Atom approaches an individual at lunchtime, with a drink or food in hand to offer them.

"Excuse me. Do you have some time to have lunch and talk? I might be assigned to the front in the next battle, and I could use some advice from someone more experienced facing the Imperials." He asks politely.

Comments

[theriflespiral]

She hums, and nods. "It is... Strange. In this manner, too, you echo humans very well. It's rare for someone to screw up the courage to kill someone they do not know, not without other inputs. Desperation, the comrades around you, manipulation by those up the chain... Inputs I'm sure you've noticed before."

She takes a sip of her drink before continuing. "I cannot tell you what may happen to you. I am unfamiliar with robots of your kind. They don't exist back home. But... Even for a human, it's usually a weighty thing, to take a life."

[upupatomway]

Atom laughs softly at the familiar sentiment about his resemblance to humans. "I get that a lot." He was made with the extremely odd purpose to be "human" after all. He quietly listens; she raises a good point, that killing does not normally happen simply for the sake of killing. Even the most cold and calculated of the few robots who had harmed humans had done it because he was created from a grudge stemmed in an unjust war.

"I'm better at expressing myself than some other AI robots from home, but our emotions are more like humans than different. So I'd expect to be affected in a similar way." He wants to ask her how it affected her, but he can't quite get the words out. "The one emotion we're normally not programmed with is hatred. But some have learned it over time. Myself included."

[theriflespiral]

There is a long moment, while she eats, and also processes this. "There is an argument to be made that you, and other robots like you, are as human as I, and that any legal or programming distinction is arbitrary.

"If you have felt those things, if you have seen those things, then... You likely know how you will react to having the knife in your hand."

She pauses. "Considering my own condition, there are philosophies that would consider you more human than me."

[upupatomway]

He has met many people who would agree that robots like him might as well be considered human. And others who find the thinning line between the two terrifying. He's aware some roboticists debate over whether it is right to make robots more human or if they should aim for something else. Atom hasn't debated it himself yet. He is already built the way that he is, though perhaps his latest upgrade- that capacity for hatred- makes it more relevant to him now.

She has a good point. His behavior follows a pattern. Maybe he's afraid of something he already knows he would feel from fights he faced in the past. Especially that one.

He reflects on it, but her other comment confuses him. "What makes you say that? Unless you have a secret, you're clearly human."

[theriflespiral]

"You express yourself freely," she responds. "If one can measure one's humanity by the level and intensity of their emotional response, then what do you call someone who barely speaks of their own feelings and has a hard time experiencing them?

"Not that I consider such philosophies anything other than justification for... Horrible things-- but they did exist back home."

[upupatomway]

"What a terrible way to measure someone's humanity." Atom's gloomy presence turns to something righteous. His frown changes shape with his tighter jaw. "Not everyone with feelings necessarily has the ability to express themselves clearly. Some of them can't even smile or cry. It's like criticizing someone for not speaking the same language and making no effort to translate."

He takes a breath. "I think I'm familiar with what you're talking about though. The way I was built has made people treat me differently from robots who can't make facial expressions. I wouldn't be surprised if they are similarly unkind to humans who they think of as 'machine-like.'"

"I hope you haven't had to spend much time with people who think that way?" He doesn't think anyone in the Corsairs thinks that way about her.

[theriflespiral]

"Forgive me my cynicism, but in some respects it was the goal. Someone who suppresses their emotions and fear in order to follow orders and kill is what they were after." She shrugs. "Such is an army: an engine to produce the reduction of ability for others to resist it. Unsurprisingly, the easiest way to do this is to kill. Doesn't make good soldiers, though."

She pauses. "I'm going to Vindess as well. I'm aiming for Gaurus."

[upupatomway]

Another thing he is familiar with. "In the last war in my world, more robots were deployed than humans in something of an arms race. All the robots with a consciousness still had feelings about what happened. I wish that leaders would have done more to support them after the war was over."

He hopes Natalia gets her time to rest and whatever support she needs. He doesn't know how things stand back home for her though, or if she wants to go back.

"It sounds like we'll see each other in Vindess then," he says slowly. He can't tell from their conversation if she has an opinion on whether he she be there with her. "I'll try not to slow you down."

[theriflespiral]

"Ever and always the truth: Breaking things is easy. Fixing them is hard." She sighs. "... If you want my opinion on war-- those are the big takeaways."

"It would be... ridiculous of me to demand someone else not fight. I'm here, a weapon in others' hands, to keep others from becoming as I am." Her hands ball into fists. "If... Gaurus truly is as his reputation says, he saw that cliff, and gleefully jumped it, taking great pride that not only are his tortures a joy to him, but also support the Empire... And shoved others over it. No. No."

Her hands shake a little, the utensils in them starting to rime over, and she breathes, and there is ice. "... I am sorry. You did not want my opinion. You wanted advice."

[upupatomway]

He shakes his head and smiles faintly. "Your opinions are insightful too. I would rather hear more than less about the burden when weighing this decision."

The small smile fades quickly from his face. "If Gaurus is the one Mr. Matthias said is killing by torture, then he must be gleeful, as you say. Someone who truly deserves to be called 'evil.' I admit, I've been thinking more about whether I would harm the regular soldiers. They likely have families that love them. Some of them might not even truly believe in the empire's ways but had to join the army. Facing someone who is evil without a doubt though... It raises slightly different questions."

[theriflespiral]

"It's difficult," she admits. "I've yet to hear of a war where no one but those interested in the outcome are swept up in it."

She pokes at her food listlessly for half a second. "And if I were told of such a war, I would wonder what the teller was hiding. All too often, the people most eager, who will benefit most, will feel the consequences least."

"But... For all that, if you do care about that... There are ways. They're risky, and I've never heard of a bloodless battle. But limiting the opponents' casualties is possible."

[upupatomway]

Atom frowns down at the table. "There hasn't been a war like that in my world either. I don't know if it's possible. None of the technology we have has been able to prevent it." The foolish leaders involved in the last war thought sending robots to fight each other would help. All that and yet civilians died in bombings carried out by humans.

He lifts his head at her next point. "I have considered using electricity to knock out enemies instead of killing them. I wasn't sure if that was smart or foolish. I can't guarantee how long they'd be unconscious and they might be able to strike again, either in the same battle or in another one later."

[theriflespiral]

"Enough electricity can kill a man as surely as it can short a robot. .... Seems we both need to work on our fine control heading into this, do we not?" Natalia pauses and raises one hand, palm up--

And the resultant faint puff of snow dashes her plans, but illustrates her point.

[upupatomway]

"I was thinking of heading to the range after lunch to practice," he says, nodding at her, smiling again, though faintly. He blinks, lowering his head slightly. "From what I hear about Gaurus, he would be both difficult to take prisoner and doesn't have the type of personality that can accept defeat in exchange for his life."

[theriflespiral]

"We can continue there, then, if you would like." She pauses. "As far as Gaurus himself, one can hear many things about rumored aces on the other side. I hesitate to think what the propaganda is regarding myself, even given that I ate shit against one of their greatest weapons."