vivala | Uncertain Heart [Open]

Soldiers take stock of weapons and ammunition, mechanics are in and out of the armor workshop, all in anticipation of the movement on Vindess that leaders are discussing. Atom had finished reading another magic book and in practice at the target range, he leaves targets quickly fried to a crisp by electricity. He had faced monsters here, he had faced other monsters and robots at home. Logically, he is ready to join the battle.

He had never attacked a human though. At home, it was against the law for a robot to seriously harm or kill a human, even in self-defense. He had always been under the watchful eye of the public as a representative of the robot race, and labeled a hero after saving people from accidents. He delayed the bad humans until the police arrived. There are definitely parallels between the slavery in the Empire and the slavery of robots, but this is a different world with different rules, and he is aware of what participating in battle might mean.

He isn't sure what the right thing to do is.

He decides to seek out someone who might have more battle experience to give him perspective. The Vault has a few possible candidates, but he also makes a point of visiting Flotsam where there are warriors abound. Atom approaches an individual at lunchtime, with a drink or food in hand to offer them.

"Excuse me. Do you have some time to have lunch and talk? I might be assigned to the front in the next battle, and I could use some advice from someone more experienced facing the Imperials." He asks politely.

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"Yes, if you don't mind," Atom agrees. Humans always say fresh air helps with stress and he's willing to give it a chance. He also prefers some amount of privacy for this conversation. As much as he's speaking to Mr. Rezo, who he only knows oh so well, he's still filled with mixed emotions, including a degree of embarrassment. He isn't sure how someone experienced in war or slaying enemies will react to his questions.

Once they're outside, Atom has a look around to confirm nobody is lurking very close, then he turns to Rezo. "Thanks Mr. Rezo. I've been thinking a lot about this topic, and I want to be ready for when I need to face the soldiers directly. I've only contributed in less direct ways like setting traps and collapsing tunnels. I have fought others before, at home, but those were other robots. Where I'm from, there are laws that say robots aren't supposed to seriously harm humans for any reason. So it's not exactly my first time fighting, but..."

Rezo's used to people seeking him out for advice, so his demeanour remains calm, even affable as they find a relatively private spot and settle down. He wonders briefly if Atom is looking for more guidance when it comes to magic usage, but instead it seems like Atom's concerns are more... philosophical?

"Are you afraid you will be unable to do it?" he asks.

(Robots aren't allowed to harm humans- Rezo wonders if the reverse is true. He suspects not.)

He nods his head, looking clearly troubled. "Precisely," he answers. Despite getting straight to the point, he doesn't feel any real relief after the emotional build-up of starting the conversation. So it was with these kind of conversations.

"At home, I'm normally considered a representative for robotkind and a peacekeeper. I don't know that I could ever join a rebellion group there, and I've even stood between robots and humans who opposed each other, doing everything I could to prevent them from attacking or hurting someone in the crossfire. I always held out hope that we could find a peaceful way to resolve the ways robots had been mistreated by humans. And finally, several years ago, we were given our rights through international law. But now I..." He cuts himself off, distracted for a moment by a mix of overwhelming emotions.

"Now I'm here, in this world, being asked to join this fight."

Well, clearly Atom isn't a stranger to responsibility. Rezo's eyebrows lift in a brief, minute expression of surprise before he begins properly pondering what Atom told him.

"Have you ever wanted to harm anyone?" he asks after a few moments. "You say that robots like yourself were mistreated by humans. Did that ever make you angry?"

It's perhaps a question he asks more out of curiosity than anything else, but it does tie into Atom's concerns about if he'll be able to fight at all.

"Yes. Angry and frustrated. Sad that so many humans couldn't see the people with feelings right in front of them. Sometimes I grew impatient and desperate.

The worst back then was when a robot called Blue Knight tried to organize a rebellion. I understood his anger and pain; we had even been allies liberating robots who had been kidnapped for scrapping and illegal purposes, but I couldn't understand when he called for violent force. I wanted humans and robots to be friends like Professor Ochanomizu always said we were meant to be, and killing would make them more afraid. He was the first robot to ever kill a human. I fought with him. Then one of the humans managed to pin him to a wall. They arrested him there and built an entire prison around him. The government claimed he had malfunctioned and returned to calling him by his model number. And I accepted that story, for years..."

He lays a hand over his chest like a human putting a hand over their heart. Next to his mechanical heart on that side was the memory card he had been given that changed him in a significant way. "Shortly before I arrived through the Servant's Gate, there was another incident where robots died, and I experienced the desire to really harm someone for the first time. I learned how to feel hatred."

Rezo can tell there's a lot of background information he isn't privy to about the politics of Atom's world, the players involved, and the functions of robots (Professor Ochanomizu? Model number?) but he at least gets the gist.

Speaking gently, Rezo coaxes Atom to continue the story. "And at that time, what did you do?"

"It's a complicated story... Put simply, there was a war in my world in a country called Persia. I was sent to Persia after the fighting and it wasn't just the armies on both sides that had suffered. The country was in ruins. Dead human and robots civilians. Even the children hadn't been spared any pain. It was awful."

He squeezes his hands and grimaces. His photographic memory is fresh, as always, including what he witnessed in the warzone.

"Two people who had lost everything to the war were the roboticist Abulah and the robot he had built, Sahad. Together they plotted revenge against a group of scientists they blamed for not preventing the war, and the elimination of every robot that had enough power to cause mass destruction if they wished to harm others.

I was one of those robots. None of us had been built for that purpose, but Abulah and some others, like anti-robot groups, had wanted us gone for years. Every single one of us wished to live our lives peacefully, but Abulah had given Sahad a new body powerful enough to kill us, and we were picked off one by one.

When he came for me, I tried to face him, but I was struck down and overwhelmed by the hatred he was giving off. It was... Like telepathy. I could feel his hatred and his pain in my own head, but much like the time with Blue Knight, I couldn't comprehend it. It was so intense, my brain couldn't function. It was as if I fell into a coma. Like neurological damage."

It's a little hard to explain in non-robot terms, but hopefully the magic comparison is close enough.

"I was brought back by the memories of one of the other robots. Robots can pass copies of their memories to each other on memory cards, and he had learned to hate when his son was murdered. With that information, and after all the killings, I learned how to feel hatred for the first time. I woke up, and when I met Sahad again, I attacked him, intending to avenge the people he had killed. I hated him for all the lives he had destroyed, and I nearly finished him..."

His voice softens, "But I realized that he was in as much pain as I was. Killing him wouldn't bring anyone back. And by that time, he had grown tired of Abulah's plan- he had been misguided by his own father. I also felt sad for him. So... I didn't kill him. And he even helped me, because there was good in him.

That's the closest I came to killing someone."

It's a complicated story, perhaps, but not a difficult one. At least, war, hatred, and vengeance are all things that Rezo himself had witnessed in his own world, not just Esthere.

(Abulah's plan sounds hypocritical to Rezo's ears, but that's obviously not the important part.)

It's mostly the telepathic elements that give Rezo pause, although even then he gets the concept well enough. The idea of someone being able to reach into your mind, to overwrite your emotions and memories with their own is, well...

Rezo is quiet for a moment after Atom's finished, mulling the information over. "I see. So in the end, you were able to understand one another's feelings?" Or at least, Atom had come to understand Sahad.

"Yes. We had the same type of pain. There was no need for us to fight each other. We even worked together to stop Abullah's final plan, and Sahad sacrificed himself to put an end to it and to save me. In different circumstances, I think we could have been friends."

Empathy had won the day, basically. Atom shifts between legs, frowning to himself. "I know that the circumstances between what happened then and this war here are different. I doubt the Emperor would ever relinquish his power willingly, no matter how many lives are at stake." He shakes his head slowly. "But where do I draw the line? How do people decide who deserves to die? I've seen so many undeserved deaths. I don't want to add to that number."

Uncertain Heart [Open]

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here come the Pluto spoilers in detail

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