vivala | Staying In Sight

Entry tags:

Staying In Sight

Who: Raph, Donnie
Where: Subterranean Farms - Donnie's Garden
When: Shortly after the Fete of Knowledge
What: How to check on your brudder while checking in on your brudder :(

= = =

Despite having the slightest clue about how gardens work, Raph readily volunteers his time by prioritizing certain things over other things — spending it by hanging out with his younger brother, for instance.

Not in a clingy kind of way, but more in line with just physically being present now that the rescue mission is behind them. And maybe it is kind of clingy. Still, Raph has his reasons and he's sticking with them. Donnie needs the support, and he wants to continue being there for him, helping him in any way that he possibly can.

Weeding becomes one way he can be productive while hanging out with Donnie, quickly running into an issue with the flowers being, well, flowers. These are small and delicate. In comparison, his hands are large and laden with sausage-like mutant fingers. He doesn't let it discourage him completely, though, figuring out a way to work around the problems so that he can carry on with the task.

It's the application of what dad has taught him:

...Slow...

...Motion...

...Jutsu.

Hunching over, the large turtle controls his movements, making smaller, slower gestures that gradually pick at the tangled weeds among the petals. He squints as another weed is plucked, letting its roots drift in the air before dropping it into a little basket.

He then turns partway to look for Donnie's approval.

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It might seem like Raph's mother-henning him, but truthfully, Donnie doesn't mind all too much. Not because he has abandonment issues or anything! But everything that had happened not long ago had been...a lot, compiling so many things that triggered memories he'd rather keep buried.

Being in the garden helps. Being with his brother...helps more. Here he doesn't have to think too much, and can actually get away with it. Handling plants is a different process, and there's something...entertaining, about watching Raph try his hand at weeding.

"That's good, Raph," he chuckles, brow arching as he counts the sprigs in the basket. "You don't really have to go that slow though. I've already gone through two rows here."

"But they're just so small," Raph almost chokes, gently nudging some of the flowers to the side to get the weed that blends in with their leaves. "I don't wanna make a mess after you've been so attentive to them!"

He then looks at his pitiful pile of weeds with a frown. "I mean...unless you want me to do something else, I don't have any problem with what I'm already doing."

Donnie pushes himself to his feet, wincing a little for being on his knees for so long. He rubs some feeling back into his legs before stepping over to have a better look at Raph's progress.

"Ah..."

Well, at this rate it'll take Raph all day getting through one row. "Hmm..." Donnie considers, stroking his chin as he looks around. He gives his not-quite-brother a pat on the shoulder before stepping away for a moment, but he doesn't go far.

"Here. This might work out better for you," he says, the sound of water sloshing by Raph's ear as he brings up a watering can to offer. "Not too much in one spot."

Raph leans back a bit at the sound, leaning back in to take the watering can from Donnie with gusto. "Watering! I can do that, no sweat."

At least it will be less taxing on both Raph and the flowers. As much as he can endure his seated position, it may not be wise for him to stay like that for the rest of the time spent there. Stretching out, he fixes his posture, the intensity of the angle relaxing as he starts tipping the can forward over one patch.

That seems more like the Raph he's accustomed to. Donnie smiles, watching as his brother sets to work.

He lets him do that, turning to resume weeding in the meantime.

"If you run out of water, there's a basin over there. I might need to refill it soon though, but there should be enough for today."

"Gotcha," the larger turtle replies with a nod, moving the can's spout over the row. "Doesn't feel too light yet. I didn't even think about that until you said it." With the weight in mind, Raph tests the can, making his own estimate of how much water is being held. "Good thing you're keeping track of everything!"

He sometimes wonders how Donnie (his and this Donnie that he now claims as his other Donnie) manages to remember every step in the process of taking care of his plants. He only thought they needed light and water and they were set.

"How long does this usually take you to finish? Hours?"

"You have to be mindful about a lot of things when planting. Not using too much water, if the soil's still moist enough so you don't overwater..."

Donnie runs his fingers along some of the leaves. The garden still looks healthy despite his being absent, but he'd heard that Link had been keeping an eye on things. He'd have to thank him later.

"Usually? Well, it depends on what all needs to be done. So it can range from one two a few hours, yeah."

"Wow. You've really put in the work to maintain all of this."

Not exactly a question and more of a statement. He supposes it makes sense; caring for a garden takes as much time as training the body and mind, and it shows.

"An' you mostly do it all on your own?" The watering has slowed. Despite being proud of his brother's dedication to his hobby, a worry line returns to his brow.

"It's not the same as being able to wander around the woods or having easy access to something outdoors, but...it's something. Sometimes it helps, just doing things here. After a heavy battle or mission..."

It's his solace, a small retreat within reach where there is no body of water he can just dive beneath to take refuge in the clean boundaries between worlds, where he can almost believe nothing can touch him. But even though he's had more guests than he'd ever really been accustomed to or thought to expect in his little garden, he doesn't seem to mind it as much.

Donnie stops by the little setup of red, orange and blue flowers all set up around a piece of driftwood.

"Yeah. But it's not like it's a chore or something. I do this because I want to."

Doing it because he wants to. That much Raph can understand. It's calming. He feels good here. His eyes follow Donnie's movements toward the piece of driftwood, colors bold against their backdrop.

That same feeling shifts in his stomach. A twist of homesickness, maybe.

The watering can is set upright again in the silence, water gently sloshing back into place as Raph sets it down for a moment.

He can imagine how safe and sound Donnie is whenever he comes here, surrounded by something comfortingly familiar while stuck underground away from the surface. Being underground and hidden away is what he's used to — the sewers and the subway systems are home, after all, expansive and vast as the world above, winding every which way into the darkness.

Even if this place is away from danger, there's still a feeling of isolation found within the solitude. A feeling Raph still clearly remembers far from home.

"...Missions can be rough," he agrees after a beat. "Even if you prepare, there's no telling when they'll take a turn for the worst."

Settling his knees into the dirt, Donnie moves his fingers between the blooms there, carefully teasing out the stray sprigs of things that shouldn't be there. He lets a finger brush each flower, a wistful look touching his face.

Would it ever go away? That homesickness? But it must be worse for Raph, who isn't even from this same world. It's not right, knowing he'd been pulled away from a family such as his own, more so because he hadn't done anything to deserve it. And yet at this moment, Donnie would have a hard time saying good-bye to the only person he has right now who's family and not. But Raph has his own family, his own Donatello. So the very least that Donnie can do for now is make sure he gets back to them in one piece.

"...yeah," he says quietly before breathing out a bitter laugh. "Found that out the hard way. But I guess I should have been better prepared. Somehow I didn't figure how bad things could be on a battlefield."

He'd never forget his first real battle-based mission where carelessness or hesitation could mean serious injury or potential death. That hasn't changed since. Has he gotten used to it?

Raph tries to smile, only for it to drop off when the seriousness of the topic is clear. It's hard hearing Donnie like this, especially after what he's been through. "Not all missions are hard. Back in my world, they were pretty easy to get through. Being here made me realize how different everything is when it comes down to fightin' alongside teammates that aren't your family. An' the enemies that we're put up against..." He sighs, glancing down at the flowers by his knee. "...Well. I wasn't expectin' how bad they were, either."

Fighting bad guys is what he knows. Some odd months in and fighting the Empire forces him to think about the consequences that are bigger than him or anyone else alone. The consequences that shape the future of the Corsairs and of the rest of the world over time.

"That's the reality of it, though — you're gonna have off days. An' sometimes those days include tougher opponents. Bigger, badder enemies that try to destroy everything you know an' love. Sometimes, you gotta let it be, fall back, an' figure out another plan of attack." Tentatively, he takes up the watering can again. "It happened in New York. Twice. First problem we ever faced as a team was when the Foot Clan got a hold of all of the pieces of the Dark Armor together, summonin' the Shredder. The second was failin' to stop the invasion of the Krang."

"...even back where you're from..?"

Donnie blinks, looking back over at Raph. He's not sure who this Foot Clan is, but Dark Armor sounds bad already, and an invasion?

"But...otherwise, is everything peaceful? I mean, twice still seems like two times too many, but...it doesn't sound like here. I'm glad you don't have to go through with that sort of thing all the time, back home. ...sorry you got stuck here."

"Mostly. Maybe a little chaos here an' there, but it's a normal amount." Shifting, he lets the can tip enough water over another portion of a row, brow furrowed in partial concentration. "Nightly missions were my idea to help keep us sharp in the face of danger. 'Course, it only worked out if everyone participated, but we eventually found a rhythm, slowing evil in its tracks."

He sounds proud of what he and his brothers were able to do, but also a little sad. Yet he tries to shake it off. "Going through the gate was similar to going through the portal to the Hidden City, except the Hidden City didn't seem to care if you dropped in on accident." As he rests the can to one side, he scratches the side of his face thoughtfully. "But yeah. This place could use a few tweaks an' not be as...oppressive? Just a thought."

He can't joke about it like Leo can. Shrugging it off is not his way of dealing with serious matters. It shows in his eyes when he meets Donnie's gaze, the hint of hardened lines surrounding them recalling the countless times he's had to stress over a number of different scenarios.

"Even if the numbers are different, it still takes a toll on you. The more personal it gets, the worse it feels. With Shredder, he crushed morale an' almost tore our family apart. The Krang made it feel like it was gonna be permanent.

"When you an' Aira disappeared, that was all I could think about. That it happened again." His fingers flex, balling up into a fist.

His brothers fought evil of some kind, even back home. It's kind of sad that they have to fight at all.

"...the only fighting we ever did here was sparring against each other. We didn't really know about the Empire, only that we shouldn't go to the city. That'd be Elysium. ...but of course we did, because we were curious and that's where father would go and come back with interesting things."

Donnie sighs. Simpler times. He longs for them, but he also wonders just how long they could have kept ignorant about the Empire and its ways.

Raph gets his attention again quickly enough. The news of anything threatening to tear apart their family cuts to the core, his expression crumpling.

"I-I'm sorry," he can't help but say, gaze dropping back towards the dirt. "I should've tried harder... But I was so scared...."

A faint smile crosses the lower half of Raph's face as Donnie recalls the memory, immediately thinking about how often he sparred with his brothers at home. Wondering if they were just as troublesome as they were in this realm. "Bet you guys put in the hours. You held your own out there."

Plus his father sounds just like his dad. There were plenty of odds and ends Splinter had in his possession and Raph only noticed how out of place some of them were once he was older.

The second Donnie looks down, Raph already regrets saying anything about what he and his have been through. At the same time, he needs to tell him. Needs to reassure him despite how awful it is. "Hey," he says, lowering his voice as he gets up, taking a few steps to sit next to his younger not!brother. "You did what you could. That Maleficent lady, she had an unfair advantage." He slings his arm around him, resting his hand on a shoulder as he pulls him in sideways for a hug. "It's normal to be scared. Things are just scary sometimes."

He may not be the best at explaining, but he tries his best speaking from experience.

"When we faced the Krang for the first time, they were too strong for all of us. When dad got hurt bad, I was scared he wouldn't make it out alive. An' when Leo didn't listen or take his job seriously, I was scared he'd get hurt, too."

Donnie doesn't realize Raph's gotten up until he's right there beside him and he finds himself pulled into a hug. Gut reflex has him stiffen at the arm around him, but he melts into it almost instantly. He's safe. Raph's here. Someone came for him, him and Aira. He has people who will risk their own safety, just for him. It makes him feel guilty, but it also makes him relieved.

"I know, but...I still should've tried, maybe. I don't know how much help I would've been though. Maybe it wouldn't have made a difference," he says quietly, tensing again under Raph's arm as he thinks of what happened when he didn't obey the orders of a noble.

Slowly he lifts his head, his face full of concern. It's hard to imagine their father- if he's as similar to his own- ever getting hurt aside from complaining about a bad back. It's a scary thing to think something so dire could happen that would make Raph worry for the worst. Leo seems more understandable, knowing his brother, but also just as much so from Raph's perspective.

"...I've probably made them worry so much," he says, voice hitching. It's not a new thought, a familiar track that tends to spiral when he lets himself slip into it. He doesn't know if his family's okay, if they've gone deeper into hiding or risked their safety trying to find him. The worst part is that Donnie isn't sure what would hurt more, and that's what's kept him from ever trying to go back and see for himself.

"They can't help but worry. That's what makes them family." The edges of Raph's vision blur slightly as he tries to keep his voice steady for Donnie. "If your family is anything like mine, then they'd want you to be safe an' sound with folks who care about you."

As he squeezes Donnie, he lets his gaze drop, looking down at the large crack on the lefthand corner of his plastron. "...I know what it's like. Being controlled." Seeing Donnie walk toward Maleficent with a smile on his face was unsettling. That level of obedience resonates, making his stomach churn as he remembers what Krang Prime had done to him. "It wasn't for very long, but...it was horrible. An' lonely. If it wasn't for Leo, you, an' Mikey — I'd still be stuck like that, an' things could've gotten worse."

Which, to be fair, did get worse in one timeline for them. But he is grateful they managed to shift that narrative, if just barely.

"We may not be able to change anything that happened, but I was reminded of something," he says after a few beats, easing back into the silence that he let slip in after his last thought. "When it got tough with Shredder, I thought I was supposed to take on all the responsibility on my own. But that wasn't it. April-Gram-Gram-Sensei told me I was not alone. When I asked for help here, the Corsairs responded. Them comin' together echoed that lesson. I wasn't supposed to fix things myself."

He then gently shakes the turtlekin with the love of an older brother. "That also means you are not alone. You have a whole support system who will fight for an' alongside you. They still count as family, an' I'm not goin' anywhere either."

That's a startling revelation, the very thought that one of his own brothers could be in such a similar position feeling like the floor's dropped out from beneath him. It also stirred that protective instinct, that simple fact that he'd do anything for his brothers.

Donnie's eyes stray towards that crack. It had been one of the first things he'd ever noticed about this Raph, and the matching chunk taken out of the shell just over his brother's shoulder just made his stomach twist any time he thought about it.

"Is...that how...?" he starts to ask, and yet simultaneously not wanting to know the details, but he can't help it.

He'd never asked about who this Shredder-person was, but it just sounded like an unpleasant name that he wasn't sure he wanted to know the details. And while this is the first he's ever heard of an April-Gram-Gram-Sensei (whaaaa?), it's the words that follow that strike him, sinking in so deeply that he sways where he sits, even beside Raph. But maybe it's not felt given that Raph's giving him a bit of a shake as it is. It's nauseating, it's comforting, how can it be two opposite things at once?

All this time, he's never really been alone. Yet, he's kept his distance some, hasn't he? It's hard though, especially when you don't really want to be apart from anyone, when you missed your family so much. A shudder goes through his slimmer frame as a sniffle escapes him.

Maybe he's always known it. But he just needed to hear someone actually say it to make it click.

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Staying In Sight

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